I’ve been off of testosterone since October. I was on it for 1 1/2 years and received what I thought I needed. My voice was deeper from it and I was able to pass as male. I also got top surgery in June. I don’t feel much bottom dysphoria outside occasional instances.

I thought maybe this was all I needed because I was finally able to live life without dysphoria interrupting it. I was told my voice won’t go back to a feminine form and obviously my chest won’t change either. I stopped taking testosterone thinking that I didn’t need to spend the money anymore on the treatment. After 5 months I was proven wrong.

Even though I’ve been on antidepressants, it doesn’t work. Trying to live a healthy lifestyle and diet doesn’t work. Being productive and working full time doesn’t work. I feel ill but I’m not sick. It’s this slow growing discomfort in my skin that’s similar to how it was before I started T. I’ve made the appointment with my doctor so I can go back on testosterone because I don’t want to go back to how it was before I started hormones.

It sucks that I need this. My body dysphoria is getting stronger each week and it’s getting harder to keep being a functioning member of society and adult. Even though I already got the changes I wanted it’s not enough. I need to keep injecting testosterone in my body or else I will soon become a shell of a human body. It will get better once I get back on a regular prescription but until then I’m stuck experiencing this.

I’ve never been so jealous of the people who were able to get off of testosterone full time because they didn’t need it the same way I do.