I want to try to make this short because my thoughts on this subject can go and on.

First, I think despite what most would say, you can be monogamous and swingers at the same time. Seems more like a semantics game for those who don't seemingly agree anyway. So I think with enough conversation, we'd end up agreeing on what it means.

I'm trying to figure out what's my purpose as it relates to romantic relationships. As far as I can tell, I have a few options.

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1. Get married with someone who is ideal but isn't super attractive (since physical appearance falls away overtime anyway) and try my best to be strictly monogamous even though I know I have strong sexual desires.
2. Same as #1 but decide together that we're going to be swingers or somewhat polygamous while being married.
3. Be polygamous. Just date and sleep with different people forever and find a philosophy that keeps content with not being monogamous.
4. Don't have any relationships. Only use services for pleasure, like nuru massages, part time "companions", cuddle buddies and sleep around with different people with no commitment.

So given these options, how the hell do you decide what you should want? I have a kid already, so I don't need a partner in the future for that. I also don't need to have another kid. I have decent credit and I'm pretty confident I can buy a home myself in the future.

I worry that I could be fooling myself into thinking I don't need to be in a relationship and eventually the loneliness is going to catch up. I also don't wanna get into any potential legal trouble in future by having companions etc. especially since I'm a mom.

I can see a life where I live a polygamous-like lifestyle but I feel like the idea of getting married and being monogamous is still very deep rooted. Again, I don't want to fool myself into thinking I can grow out of that. I'm 30. So even thought I'm young, it's possible I'm old enough to have some ideas that I may never get rid of like monogamy.

I like swinging. I've done it with a partner before. There doesn't seem to be any downsides there other than well, both people have to be pretty aligned with the idea. If someone isn't, possibly even me, it can ruin the relationship and then I'll be back to square one.

Anyway, I'll stop that to keep it as short as I can. Has anyone struggled with this?