Hi, everyone!

My husband and I are brand new to the lifestyle, just started exploring a few months ago and haven’t had any experiences yet. We’ve had some great conversations and connections with people and it’s all been super hot and exciting, but the conversations around STI screenings has given us some pause so I have a handful of questions for people who are well versed in the lifestyle. I know this is lengthy and I super appreciate anyone who reads it all and is willing to give feedback!

1. How often do you (and your partner, if applicable) get screened? I’m asking specifically in regards to screenings aka no symptoms present, not testing due to being exposed or having symptoms

2. How do you go about making sure the person or people you’re playing with are clean?

3. If you know that you’re clean and whatever males involved will be wearing a condom, is that reassurance enough for you to not be concerned about their STI status? What about things like HSV, HPV, Syphilis, etc. that can still be transmitted?

4. What are your thoughts/response if a prospective date asks you about your screening/STI status and are you willing to share your most recent results?

5. Do you screen for HSV1 and HSV2 when you do get screened?

6. Is it a dealbreaker for you if a person is HSV1 , but otherwise clean, and you know you’re negative? I understand that this is a very common disease and am not asking for facts about that or if you personally consider it an STI or that most doctors don’t screen for it without symptoms, etc etc. Simply curious if a positive result is a dealbreaker for anyone or if you consider the risk to be low enough that it’s worth it even if you know you personally are negative.

My partner and I both just had a full panel screening and are both completely clean, including HSV1. It seems like any people we’re talking to and having a good connection with either ghost, lose interest or get weird when we bring up the STI/screening conversation. We had one woman who made a big deal out of us canceling a planned date after she nonchalantly disclosed she was HSV1 . Again, we know that it’s super common and bottom rung as far as STIs go, but we don’t feel the risk of contracting it is worth it to us consider we know we don’t already have it. It’s not a judgmental thing in any way, and we are very respectful in communicating our thoughts on it.

I’ve talked with so many people in the lifestyle who don’t seem to be concerned about STIs or screenings or making sure their potential partners are clean in any way and that’s been surprising and a bit of a turn off, honestly. Just looking for insight to see how most people in the lifestyle handle the conversation around STIs/screenings and if our experience has been typical or not.

Thanks so much in advance for any feedback!