First of all, as a community, y’all can be assholes to the MFM crowd. And I understand some of the reasons and points of view… That’s not why I’m here. I’m here to talk about how it has been a very crucial part of our journey together. I-Early40sM and wife-Late30sF have been together forever, nearly 20 years.

Perfect marriage and best friends. Our attachment styles are both “securely attached,” and we are both very loyal by nature. Neither of us had any feelings about pursuing sex outside of us for nearly two decades of marriage. We’re also both very attractive and have a great sex life.

Our journey started with discussion of what fantasies we preferred when masturbating. We both fantasized strongly about MFM, which led to eventually trying and loving it. We’ve since had a couple more playdates and have adopted a semi-regular, single male.

Our conversations have drifted to couples lately, and the what-ifs. I have actually been the one to “pump the brakes” on that subject - not stop it but keep its progression slow. It sounds fun as fuck, and we will get there, but I want to make sure she doesn’t get overwhelmed. Six months ago, the thought of me with another woman made her sick. Now, she mildly fantasizes about it. She brings it up. And we have even scheduled a vacation with another LS couple (met in LS but only flirty friends thus far)…where there are no expectations but it’s known we will likely play with them.

What she said last night was a huge turning point. As we were playfully planning our next date at an LS club with our third, she commented that she wants me to experience being desired by someone else, and how much fun it is.

That’s what I’ve waited for. I haven’t wanted her to “be okay” with it or to “let me” do anything. Our rule was that we don’t do anything unless we BOTH find it hot. No concessions at all. Everything must feel positive. The words she chose made me realize she is starting to see it more as I do: seeing her give and receive pleasure is what is so fucking hot to me….and the reason we got involved at all. She wants to experience THAT, and it’s hot as hell.

We have a loose plan to move forward. Here’s been my major concern: she’s majorly visual. She’s an artist and has a photographic memory to some extent. I know after our first experience (which was marvelous), I went to bed and woke up every morning “seeing it” for like six weeks. That was a VERY positive experience for me…..but if it had been negative….it would have been tragic.

I just want to reduce any chances of giving my wife “the ick.” We’ve talked about it, and she wants to watch me give and receive oral. Then wait a day and sit with it.

She thinks she feels safe with our LS friends partly because they are such an obviously-solid couple. So, we’re still talking, but we think they will be our first couple experience on vacation.