My wife and I have been on the more popular websites for a while, and while we donât judge people based solely on looks, we have noticed a trend of more attractive put together ladies paired with semi attractive to unattractive men who seem to have let themselves go. Women will be in full lingerie in profiles and men will have a gut hanging over an after the shower towel. Strikes me as a bit misogynistic like it really is a âwife swapâ where the men are in control and bartering their wife to another man for the menâs pleasure only my wife is having a hard time being attracted to any of the couples we see based not only on Fitness level but on obvious hygiene/slob level. I mean these guys are takes a profile picture in a dirt bathroom vanity with obviously dirty clothes all over the place. Btw we are not super selective and we are not judging anyone that is working with what God gave them; Iâm not a Greek God by any sense but I am fit and I do try, I want to look good for anyone I get with so as not to make their experience less than. Is this something anyone else noticed as a problem? Or are we the problem?
Weâre very selective on couples for this reason. Inherently my attraction to the male half of a couple is typically the âgo or no goâ. My hubs loves women of all shapes and sizes. I like strong, fit(ish) men. Weâve found couples that personality has made up for a lesser attraction but, itâs rare. Online, weâre basing most our decision on photos and well most times the male side is lacking.
Weâve said âtoo bad because sheâs hotâ more times than any statement. Being in our late 40s weâve found lack of self care turns into performance issues too. Thereâs a difference between judging people and not being attracted to them. Weâre very body positive people. Live however you want and be happy but, that doesnât mean I want to fuck you.
This seems to be the norm more than the exception. According to my wife most of the husbands are great guys in every way other than sexually. The women are into swinging to get the that itch scratched. She has had women actual tell her this directly. One of her friends has convinced her husband that they should play separately. She has no issues finding men or couples but together it was pretty hard. She knows it next to impossible for him but she is having her fun. It's kinda sad.
No that is not at all how I meant it. The sad part is she lured him in to the lifestyle with the allure of having sex with women she know he will never have. All to have sex with other men. She knows full well his options are very limited. He has talked to me about how he has yet to find a girl or couple.
Nope. I don't think he knows how. Like he showed up at a hotel takeover in t-shirt with the trucking company he works for on the back.
Exactly all of those things. Hence she is in the LS to get her sexual needs met in a somewhat ethical way. I am sure she has tried to talk to him for years.
You say you donât judge but then you post comments full of judgments. Just skip past the profiles you donât like, it ainât rocket science man.
We are very selective and have been catfished too many times to count. We go straight to verifying. Before even the small talk to save time. We have never been with a comparable couple sadly.
I think the point here being raised is that you're thinking of it as a bait and switch, when the flip side of that coin is that he could be doing well himself if he put effort in.
Two different points of view.
Personally, I abhor deception (assuming that she was indeed trying to be deceptive, which isn't clear), but I sympathize with women who put in effort to work hard to look good and be good in bed, while not having that reciprocated.
When we entered an open relationship, my fiancee had more opportunities than me, but that was mostly my fault. I do great now that I actually invested time in myself.
I know that guys are tired of getting beaten up, but they can do something about it!
So because she knows that he's going to struggle solo (due to at least partly his own failures)....they both can't enjoy it?
Idk....
If she's being shady, I'll join you in condemning that, but let's not infantilize him, he's an adult that makes his own choices. Personal responsibility.
I wish you could see his page on SDC it would explain everything.
Yes, bait and switch describes the situation.
I am not sure where this energy about finding sex for him was her responsibility ? I never said anything like that. I did say that she knows it will be hard for him. She did sell him a dream. The things that she is attracted to him as a husband do not relate to the LS. Being a good father, a loving husband etc means little to nothing being a guy trying to hook up with women to play with.
Exactly the things that make to a good husband is different than what makes you desirable in the LS. It is what it is. No one should have to do charity and consider other things about someone and give them a chance.
There is a ton of nuance here....but speaking for myself, a guy in an open relationship with kids and a partner that is attractive in her own right....I do just fine comparatively after I put in the effort and figured out how to meet people.
It's harder for men than women, but it's not this impossible thing that men think it is. (We also have better partners when we do find them IMO....my fiancee gets some weird ass partners that disappoint her most of the time.)
So because she knows that he's going to struggle solo (due to at least partly his own failures)....they both can't enjoy it?
Idk....
If she's being shady, I'll join you in condemning that, but let's not infantilize him, he's an adult that makes his own choices. Personal responsibility.
I think the point here being raised is that you're thinking of it as a bait and switch, when the flip side of that coin is that he could be doing well himself if he put effort in.
Two different points of view.
Personally, I abhor deception (assuming that she was indeed trying to be deceptive, which isn't clear), but I sympathize with women who put in effort to work hard to look good and be good in bed, while not having that reciprocated.
When we entered an open relationship, my fiancee had more opportunities than me, but that was mostly my fault. I do great now that I actually invested time in myself.
I know that guys are tired of getting beaten up, but they can do something about it!
So because she knows that he's going to struggle solo (due to at least partly his own failures)....they both can't enjoy it?
Idk....
If she's being shady, I'll join you in condemning that, but let's not infantilize him, he's an adult that makes his own choices. Personal responsibility.
I think the point here being raised is that you're thinking of it as a bait and switch, when the flip side of that coin is that he could be doing well himself if he put effort in.
Two different points of view.
Personally, I abhor deception (assuming that she was indeed trying to be deceptive, which isn't clear), but I sympathize with women who put in effort to work hard to look good and be good in bed, while not having that reciprocated.
When we entered an open relationship, my fiancee had more opportunities than me, but that was mostly my fault. I do great now that I actually invested time in myself.
I know that guys are tired of getting beaten up, but they can do something about it!
So because she knows that he's going to struggle solo (due to at least partly his own failures)....they both can't enjoy it?
Idk....
If she's being shady, I'll join you in condemning that, but let's not infantilize him, he's an adult that makes his own choices. Personal responsibility.
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For any guys that lack the motivation to improve themselves, this is my experience as well.
My fiancee has always been the "draw" for us historically, but after improving my fitness (losing fat and gaining muscle), we've found that at least half the time... I'm the "draw".
It's not something I'm used to and frankly, i still think she's the better of us, always will.
But i can't argue with the results... women do care and health/fitness/hygiene do matter.