Hey all, let me set up our situation and you guys tell me your thoughts.
Weāve been doing most of our exploring on Feeld. Our faces have been covered, names have been changed just for discretion. (We donāt have jobs that weād lose if we were outed but itās something we agreed on.) Weāve agreed weāre not looking for anything physical with another couple at the moment but we are looking for friends where we can learn and then maybe make the leap. Weāve been recieved pretty well by most couples, even have went on a few dates. We are even scheduled to go to a club mid November!
Now, every interaction weāve had with a couple Iāve asked permission to reach out, as I am the primary āscreener.ā My primary goal has always been to start a group chat as soon as possible. No intentions to communicate alone but thatās the way the app works until a group chat is started.
With this latest couple is where I made a āmistake.ā I reached out without āpermissionā basically saying something rudimentary but I introduced us by our real names (mistakes 1 and 2). Conversation goes well for about a half a day, only vanilla topics, they actually form a group chat. I felt awful bc she was dealing with an illness and it just never felt appropriate to bring them up (mistake 3). I finally did, albeit still poor timing but I felt it was necessary as the conversation had gone on long enough without her.
But my wife is very bothered that I used our real names and will not participate in the convo. I donāt really have a good reason why I did it other than I had gotten a bit comfortable and I am just more naturally vulnerable. She has communicated that she is turned off by the lifestyle in its entirety bc of this series of mistakes. I know she trusts me in the physical sense, Iām not a cheater but she has some reservations since my communication had gotten relaxed. While Iām sad sheās not as interested, Iāve proactively taken a step back from the app and the lifestyle. Itās not a mistake that will happen again. Iām just wondering if any newbies have experienced this and without applying any pressure how/were you able to recover?
You just got a little overeager man. You have to fight the urge to think only with your dick (which can be tough sometimes).
Being patient isnāt always easy in these situations but you have to remember that your wife, and your relationship with her, need to be your #1 priority at all times. And she needs to see you actively making that happen.
I get it when you get into a chat with a couple and want to get your wife involved right away. Youāre trying to assure them that youāre not a husband posing as a couple and youāre trying to make sure they remain a viable option. But the problem is that you put that over making sure your wife was ready to go. She likely thinks that youāre prioritizing their feelings (or your own), over hers. Even if that isnāt the case, and based on your post I definitely donāt think that was your intention, her perception of it is probably exactly that.
At the end of the day, there are a ton of couples out there but you only have one wife. Youāll miss some opportunities bc the timing isnāt always right for her, or you, and thereās nothing wrong with that. The long game almost always pays off!
I agree with jelloshotlady about not proceeding. There are much larger potential pit falls ahead then using the wrong name. She might not be ready right now. But it doesnāt mean she wonāt be in the future.
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We all start somewhere man. And none of us have executed things perfectly. There are a ton of rude, judgey, dismissive people on Reddit which I feel like is the opposite of most interactions with people in the LS irl.
Apologize to your wife and acknowledge that you are aware of your mistakes! Then wait a while before giving this another shot (maybe even until she brings it up again).
Good luck!