Hello all! Thank you for taking the time to read. I will try to keep this short.

Me: 23/F Boyfriend: 31/M

We have been together for some time now. Very healthy relationship. We both feel very secure. However, we love sex and love to explore it. We don’t believe humans are built to have only one sexual partner in life. We got curious about ethical non-monogamy. We both agreed girls only. We practice a D/s relationship as well. I really can’t see myself taking another man and/or submitting to one. Just doesn’t work for the dynamic.

Moving forward. We’ve played with others multiple times. Mostly girl friends of mine I trust and we are both attracted to. It is SO MUCH FUN. Love it. I love watching him with another woman. I love having another woman.

Here’s the crossroads: and this is definitely a “me” thing. I am trying to discover the origin of this feeling. When he brings up perhaps playing with other women for the weekend, or when he brings up how attractive another woman is: I feel upset. I do not know why. It is extremely hypocritical and one sided.

I know I’m his. I’m the one he comes home to. But I don’t know why my brain is doing the “Yeah it’s okay when I bring it up but not when he does”. WHY.

I do not know if it is because of:

• my brain still thinking monogamy is the only way, so it switches off to “this is a no”

• feelings of inadequacy? But I don’t know where they’re rooting from. I feel extremely secure and we have a fantastic solo sex life.

• I don’t know what else??

Please, some advice from those more experienced would be awesome. He’s never betrayed me. He’s never crossed a boundary. He’s never done anything to me to make me feel this way. This is strictly a me thing.

Yes we’ve communicated it multiple times. However, I feel it is so unfair for him to feel as if he’s walking on eggshells.