I don't want to die * just thinking about suicide but I can't hurt my cats *. But I feel so lonely , I live in Richmond, TX still with my single mom and in college online I really don't have any friend after my last friend ghosted me and my boyfriend decided to leave to take care of his own mental health and told me I should take care of mine after the falling out with his friend and me, but we are still friends. He's currently in jail for failing probation and I'm just lonely . I have no one and I normally waste my days. I can't even get my college classes done on time. I feel like a complete failure, I just can't seem to think about anything else beside my ex friends and just want to meet new people. I've tried Tinder and dating apps but I only get contacted by perverts or bots . I'm trying to chill out on my sex addiction so the constant perverted messages just make me sick. I just want real friend who are actually nice people. But idk it feels like everyone is so fake and not real that I just try to ignore them even my own family. Which doesn't help the fact I feel very disconnected from people and society. Which is nice but I would like friends , instead of slowly not talk to my family and turning into a hermit . I mean I am close to my mom , but something's she would never understand like someone in my generation would. Also , all throughout my life my mom mollycoddle me , so I really want to do anything to get out of the house. I love my mom but she cares maybe too much about me. I just don't know where to try with making friends. I feel worse because I'm not as attractive as my ex friend or all the people on these dating apps ,atleast I feel so. I just wish I could meet nice people again .