Frustrated? Probably I don't really know how to feel at the moment honestly probably a little embarrassed for failing at something seemingly so simple but being stuck in this hospital bed once again the loneliness and void in my chest is more overwhelming then usual.

This is more me venting than anything really with nobody to really turn to because the only people I thought I had in my family seem to given up the act of caring at this point and so here I am just existing once again in what feels like a completely empty corner of a hospital with no one to even just have in the room not even to talk to. I am not angry at any of my family for not being here definitely hurt but more than anything really just scared at how empty everything feels at this moment.

Sorry if it's a little graphic but the relief and peace I felt while just lying there on the ground in the warmth of my blood while everything faded well I would trade everything I am feeling right now for that feeling again. I am not sure how to move forward from this at this point it really does feel all kind of pointless at this time, I'm just kind of lost I guess really not sure what to do or who I am supposed to turn to. I mean maybe in time these things should become more apparent but as of now being stuck in this room this is where my head is at and well I would much rather be dead but yeah I guess I'll just have to wait and see what comes of the next few days.