I have currently been taking prescription amphetamines for the last eight and a half years, with my dosage increasing within the past year in addition to taking it daily.

For the past two and a half years I have been working a job I absolutely love which is something I am so thankful for. However, despite this, whenever I would use speed I would have the habit of recklessly binging and spending my money on all sorts of stupid stuff. I do not make a lot of money at my job, however, every bit counts....and the sad fact is that I have spent most of what I have earned on the most ridiculous BS, 90% of which I do not need and come to regret buying. I do not even want to mention the absolutely mind-boggling stupidity and ridiculousness of the things I was buying. Let it be known....it was absolutely foolish.

Looking back at my spendings now that my head a is a bit clearer, as I really am trying to get my life together, I am so ashamed of the things I was buying and how much of my hard work I have burned away. As much as I love my job it makes me feel as though I have effectively wasted both my work and my life away. Keep in mind, I am 27 years old and I feel so far behind in my life.

I have actually begun having thoughts of harming myself over this. I have been thoughts of harming myself for some time, now that I realize it, which is partially why I was spending so much. In the back of my mind I always thought, "It doesn't matter anyways...I won't be here for much longer." Which is something extremely terrifying now that I think of it.

Not sure exactly what I am looking for with this post....I just feel like I wanted to share it and see if anybody else can relate. I could have so much more money saved up if I didn't spend it all on irrelevant BS. Again, most of my spending was done when I was abusing my medication.