Adding this comment to the body of the post so y’all have context

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One idea I had was to say that I had a period with modafinil (which is true), but exaggerate the extent of my use and then say that I’d read how it can cause mitral valve collapse etc. I figure if I say that I ordered it from a regular-ass website and that I didn’t know it was illegal to do so, that I could avoid being labeled as a druggie in my medical records.

Other than that, is there anything I could have potentially been chronically exposed to in the environment / home / work that I could lie about, something that could do the same damage and would warrant the same tests?

Is there anything I could say about family history of heart ailments could help convince them? I know my grandpa on my mom’s side has had a stroke and a couple heart attacks, but beyond that I’m not sure anyone in my immediate family has been diagnosed with anything. If I fib that my mom and dad have both like like a million heart attacks, will that help my case, and would they be able to fact-check that?

I know all of this seems like duplicitous tweaker behavior, but I promise I’m making a genuine attempt to quit. I’m not trying to get a clean bill of health from the cardiologist to justify further use. There are things beyond my heart that have been destroyed, and I’ve come to terms with the fact that I need to quit in order to repair them. I’m honest with my family and friends about my struggles, and I’ve found a psychologist who has agreed to work with me without formally diagnosing me as having a substance abuse disorder.

I just think it’s truly fucking bogus and unfair that, in order to know what’s wrong with me, I need to have a label thrown on my medical records that will make it more expensive/harder for me to get life insurance. I know that I can’t be denied for medical insurance because of it, because of the pre-existing conditions thing, but I also don’t know how the laws will change in coming years, maybe those protections will eventually go away.

I ESPECIALLY think it’s unfair because (for the most part) the only reason I took stims so frequently was to keep up with the type of work that this country demands for me to be successful. I get fucked because I agreed to play along with what was asked of me and work myself to death? No thank you.

I’m aware of how long this is, and I promise I’m not high at the moment lol