The end of April I get off paper. I'm so close...

I've walked this babysat freedom for too long. Its march 4th and im 7 hrs from home in another state for what my officer thinks is a training/ job placement gig that she's signed off for. Thing is I've missed that class and the next one starts in June.

I gotta report back on the 25th this month on how the class is going since I missed her and barely slipped out out of state with a legit out of state permit. I'm not sure how I planned it would go in my head but I'm here now. My one person I know up here is bed ridden with a bacterial infection I can't help but feel guilt over since I knew this could have been avoided had I just never entered his life. (Past is past. I know)

Now my dumbass decides my best move is finding some fire to help the situation. (When in doubt redose.) Now I'm going 90 without brakes cuz I didn't bother looking for benzos or anything for my crash landing and coming to grips with the reality I put myself in 1) I lied to my family and PO about my reasons for leaving state 2) I'm not trying as hard as I should for me and Brian even tho he does which isn't fair and I know it. 3) I'm spiralling back into addiction and the pointless lies and deceit that stem with it. But if I come clean now how much longer will I stay on paper? Can I love with myself of i broke brians heart at this point ? Its probably just my comedown. Probably just pms. Probably nothing i can't brush off tmro. But tonight I need it off my chest.

Brian I can handle, addiction is manageable, but not with guilt. That's ok tho cuz I'm close.

End of April I get off paper..