Born / raised in London, half Indian (mums side), half middle eastern (dad's side). Relatives are all in the UK/USA. No issues coming out of confusions. I'm 6'0 and 'gym fit' just to put it in perspective that I'm not getting eliminated because of some filter.

I struggled to get dates in London (Tinder, Hinge etc) but always got hookups because of how I look. The hookups were one off 99% of the time and I still don't really understand why (they were never 'quickies', in most we had chats and they asked for my number or similar). I didn't take it to heart because I was young and enjoying my life, focused on my career (which got me to the US), exploring gay life/my sexuality more. I don't recall any direct racist comments (a couple of blocks at best, never post meeting me though) and always have been financially stable etc so never had a 'strong need' for a partner for financial reasons.

I noticed nothing was really happening for me and went to various therapists: sex therapy to see if I was some addict, normal therapy to explore my past and relationships, etc and never got any conclusive feedback. I also did tests for autism, ADHD, attachment styles etc and nothing came up there (since I was getting the hookups, something about me put them off coming back was the assumption here). I continued 'working on myself' e.g. travel myself, keeping fit, building friendships, focus on further education and my career etc. I've been told 'externalised' things like 'its the gay life' or 'its london' or similar, but none of this makes sense to me, as I see relationships form (especially from hookups) all the time.

I moved to the US a few years ago, first to SF which I hated, now in NY for 2 years. Again, I don't struggle to get hookups with some of the hottest guys here, but it is completely dead from a dating perspective. To be clear, I get the matches on Tinder/Hinge etc but they agree to a date and flake or just don't reply, which to me basically means no interest. The 'matches' are either guys who just want to hookup with me, 60 year olds (I'm in my mid-30s) or completely unfit / out of shape / guys who can't cut it which seems crazy (and I'm not body shaming). I've asked guys who want to hookup with me on Grindr for a drink first, literally everyone has ghosted me if I ask for that, but if I offer sex they are at my door.

FWIW - I do focus on people who are middle eastern / indian, but both groups are rare and/or chasing a white person. Asians/Blacks completely ignore me. So my only 'pool' is white people, or latino people, but the outcome is always the same.

I have gone to therapy again and am being told the same things and I'm fed up. I feel like I'm either living in some parallel universe, or am missing some information that makes this all make sense.

Can someone enlighten me? Am I undesirable because of my skin? If I am only acceptable to a 60 year old am I wasting my time even trying to date, and should just remain single and hookup? I get its hard and I wasn't expecting a husband, but barely any dates, no sustained interest etc is all just really demotivating.