I never knew my father. I was raped by my gay cousin. my grandfather tried to kill my brother by throwing him out of a two story window. Then he died from cancer. I’v been in dozens of jumpings and countless fights, many of which resulted in my ass getting handed to me. I got listed as a potential school threat due to harmless drawings back in 7th grade resulting in expulsion and rumors involving a second columbine, and everyone involved trying their hardest to get me to do it by relentless bullying that followed me for the rest of middle school. After being diagnosed with ADD right after, and prescribed a stimulant. i developed hyper anxiety disorder and lived in a constant state of paranoia where anything caused a minor panic attack, and the feeling that nowhere was safe. i was Unable to sleep most nights because my heartbeat rarely slowed down enough for me to relax for almost 3 years. I had to wait until i was literally too tired to fight sleep. Closing my eyes was terrifying. This usually resulted in me staying up until i got to school the next morning to pass out in all my classes. Which in turn made me look super depressed to everyone including the bullies, As they at the time believed i was just one push from a school massacre they could say the lived through. a shitty cycle.