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So it's been several years since doing sex work, for me. I was an active sex worker from the ages of 18-22. I'll be 27 in November. My body stayed mostly the same until I got pregnant and had a baby a little over a year ago :)
While learning/feeling confidence in a pretty different body is something I hear most folks who carry and birth a baby experience, I realize how uniquely challenged I feel with the way this relates to my experience as a sex worker.
Being desired on such a large scale was definitely a confidence boost, and having such a "conventionally attractive" figure made that pretty easy for me. I definitely had my challenges and doubts back then, as it is so common to find yourself comparing "from a professional perspective" .
However, I'm realizing more and more how little I invested in having body confidence built from ...within. My confidence has been so rooted in knowing how desired I am. Knowing how desirable my traits can be. And not just that, that I can monetize that.
Well, I haven't monetized that for a while. And my body looks pretty different than it did back then, so it's not so easy for me to use that all as a crutch. Now I'm in a place where I'm challenged to feel confident from within myself, and not based off of how others perceive me, and I'm not sure where to start.
Now that I think about it, I'm not sure how often I've *felt* truly confident. How much might I have been performing confidence?
I want to learn how to *feel* confidence -- not intellectualize it. But to feel it in my body -- for my body. And not for my body as it is or can be perceived, but for my body as it is experienced.
I'd love appreciate comments or tips on this topic. What is your experience with this? Thanks for reading :)
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