The HIIT instructor challenged his students with this question, "Did Pete Pfitzinger create everything that exists?"

In unison the class exclaimed, "Yes, he did!"

The instructor answered, "Well then, if Pfitz created everything, then Pfitz created slowness. And if we accept that our works define who we are, then by definition, Pfitz is slow."

The class became quiet after hearing such an answer.

The instructor was quite pleased with himself and proceeded to do Tabata sprints around the classroom. He boasted to the students that he had proven once more that aerobic development was a myth. HIIT was the one true training method. Steady-state cardio was only for hobbyjoggers and those uninterested in keeping their gains.

From the back of the class, one student rose in protest. He cleared his throat and straighten the shorts he wore over his tights. He raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question, instructor?"

"Of course", replied the instructor.

The student stood up and asked, "Instructor, does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?"

The students snickered at the young man's question. The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have too little heat.

The student continued. "Instructor, does darkness exist?"

The instructor responded, "Of course it does".

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong, sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the instructor. "Sir, does slowness exist?"

Now uncertain, the HIIT instructor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it every day. Look at all the hobbyjoggers bragging about how they can’t even run a 30 minute 5k half marathon. Slowness is all around us."

To this the student replied, "Slowness does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Slowness is simply the absence of speed. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of speed. Pfitz did not create slowness. Slowness is the result of what happens when man does not accept Pfitz into his heart."

The instructor sat down flabbergasted. He was later hung from a pull-up bar in the Kipping style. The students rejoiced. The Gu flowed freely yet again, and a coyote was sacrificed, as is tradition. Advanced Marathoning was read aloud cover-to-cover with a 47 mile medium-long run performed between each chapter.