Me:

• 30F US. Looking for any friends that might relate to this, M or F, though I haven't had a close female friend for a long time and I'd really value that bond.
• The good:
  • I'm an engineer by trade and a nerd by choice. I like building things, fixing things, over-engineering things, strategy games.
  • I enjoy deep conversations. I'm always searching for meaning. Throughout my life this journey has led me down various paths like Buddhism, philosophy, rationalism, romanticism, nihilism, and art. I would love to share this journey with a like-minded soul.
  • I try to see beauty in the world. I like photography, art, poetry, and literature. Sometimes throughout the day I'll see something that I find inexplicably beautiful, and feel the need to take a picture.
  • I like long-form communication, like letters or long emails. I feel I can best express my true self when given the time and space to collect and mold my thoughts into coherent sentences.
• The bad:
  • I'm prone to negative emotions. Feel like I'm constantly bouncing back and forth between caring about something/someone so much it destroys me and utter apathy about existence. I feel I've experienced a lot of suffering, and I can sympathize with yours.
  • I've had trouble meeting people and making friends as I've gotten older. I'm deeply introverted, but only because I feel like most people don't understand me.
  • I'm way too emotional, and insecure. I have a fragile self-identity. I let other people influence how I view myself too much. I'm working on that.
  • Deep down, I feel like a lost soul, wandering the Earth aimlessly, detached from reality and looking for home.
• The random:
  • Sometimes I convince myself the sound of cars speeding by on the freeway late at night are waves of the ocean to go to sleep.
  • I can people watch for hours. I'll observe people going about their days, having conversations, imagining their lives as complex as mine, yet I'll never know them. It fills me with sadness and hope at the same time.
  • When I'm feeling sad, I sleep in strange places, like on the floor or under a table. It gives me a strange sense of being grounded.
  • Sometimes I'll drink a lot of ice water or eat a lot of popsicles so I feel very cold. Then I'll curl up in bed with an extra blanket to warm up. I suppose there's something comforting about having desires that are well-defined and easily met.

Thanks for reading. :)