So what's the God damn purpose of life? Anyone got a clue? Calm down there Maurice, it was a rhetorical question. I'm not actually searching for the answer because I've already found it. Or, at the very least, I've found one that satisfies my curious mind and fills me with a purpose that defeats that existential hell that I once knew as a hedonistic fuckboi in my early twenties. Let's discuss this, shall we?

First off, you have to realize that no man, woman, or other gendered buffoon is an island. We're all one. I mean that literally in the sense that the universe exists as a recursive fractal hierarchy of a singular substance, call it spacetime or God or void, that has folded in and on itself to create the illusion of separation. But, perhaps more relevant to our dumb little monkey brains, we're also deeply interconnected in this shitshow we call civilization. 

Correct me if I'm wrong, but there's, like, a 99.9% chance that you didn't grow your own food, weave your own clothes, or get pooped out of your mom's vagina on your own. I suppose you could be Amish or something, but then how the fuck are you reading this? Sorry, got distracted. What I'm saying though is that each of us depends on a bajillion other people just to make it through each day in one piece. That necessitates having gratitude to your fellow human beings.

Live not for yourself, but for other people. Kindness, compassion, and selfless service should steer your ship. But, don't bend over backwards to please every single ding dong you come across. Sure, I define love to mean always do the supererogatory while being kind to the tamed flesh, but our first love is self love. If the gardener doesn't take care of themselves, who takes care of the garden?

I can hear the nitpickers saying that I contradicted myself just then. Perhaps that's my schizoaffective disorder; I might need to take my meds. But, regardless, what I just said is not a call for selfishness. It's a simple guiding light to remind you people to have a balance in your life as you grow your personal garden so that you can share your harvest with your fellow cousins on this planet. 

Let's talk about governing dynamics now. Everyone here knows who John Nash is, right? Schizophrenic genius from A Beautiful Mind? Well, in his uncovering of game theory, he discovered a simple fact about dynamic systems. See, there's a specific ratio of giving to the self and giving to the whole that maximizes the growth of both the self and the whole. Thus, it's in our best interests to be generous with our love while simultaneously investing in ourselves.

But, that's not all! Just because the universe has a mathematical apex does not mean that is enough to motivate some of y'all's egos to relinquish all that selfish mumbo jumbo that our capitalist system has bred into the culture like a couple of dogs in heat. No, what I really want to convince you about is just how fucking good it feels to live a selfless life. We can debate about whether that itself is a selfish motivator some other time.

When I was homeless for three years following my escape from a cult, I felt that the only way to survive was through self-sacrifice. Everyday I would pick up trash on the streets and go out of my way to help people or at least brighten their day. Some of that was caused by psychosis, but deep down I knew I was reconditioning myself into a more ideal form. And wouldn't you know it? I was right.

Near the end of my odyssey on the streets, I had a moment where it felt like the stars aligned. Everything clicked, and despite being stuck in an abandoned storefront during a friggin' storm, I realized how happy I was. It was as if a portal opened up to God Herself and I could feel Her pure, unconditional love. There's no greater feeling. Suddenly, my problems melted away and I was wholly content with my life. I want you to know this feeling. You're all suffering more than you have to.

Since then, I've lived in that ratio of self-love and selfless love and found that my life is just peachy. Sure, I get depressed occasionally, and it still hurts when I stub my toe, but all that is assuaged when I reflect on my purpose in life. Whatever mortal titles we can slap onto ourselves and achievements we can attain pale in comparison to the unending fountain of peace that comes from knowing you're an agent of negentropy. I know that if I died right now, I'd be content with my life, because I don't live for me; I live for all of you.

Anyways, sorry if any of this comes off as preachy. I don't mean to be. I just got done picking my ass and felt compelled to try and raise the vibrations of the universe. If you are suffering in life, or find yourself in a nihilistic hellscape of an existence, I hope my words convince you to turn your inner eye outwards and find a higher purpose in love. And if not, then poo on you. I'm still going to enjoy every second of my life being the light that shines the way for my fellow space apes. I just wanted to share that placid attitude that comes from having a higher purpose. Thanks for reading, and don't forget to wipe after going to the bathroom! Toodles!