My youngest son, 14, has a problem with voluntary hygienic habits. He will regularly go a day or two without brushing his teeth, wearing deodorant, changing socks and underwear. His room can become atrocious at times and smelly. He will take showers, but usually not use soap, and won't follow up with deodorant unless I check with him. His older brother and sister have no problems taking care of themselves and will often tell him to do the things he's neglecting, but he simply won't do them unless prodded. For example, we went away this weekend for 4 days, and on the third I found out he only brought the pair of underwear he wore on the first day!

His mom used to be messy when we were dating, but not unhygienic. Like I said, his brother and sister are fine as well, and I border on being too clean and neat, so I'm concerned as to where this is coming from. I'm especially worried as he's now starting high school and I know how merciless kids can be. And he now has a girlfriend and don't want him to be embarrassed. It's difficult to bring it up too because he had some early hearing problems that led to some slight emotional problems. At the slightest sense of what he perceives as an attack on him, he will wall up and retreat into a shell that's difficult to get him out of. He lives with his mom with his siblings, so it's hard for me to be on top of this daily, and I don't feel his mom is doing enough but if I ask her to, she becomes defensive and tells me she's doing enough already.

If anyone has experienced this or has some tips, I'd be very thankful.