I always imagined this would happen during ovulation, but a couple days to a week(really seems like 3-5 days) after my period ends I just get super hearteyes ♥.♥ for people I have platonic attraction to. I still view it as platonic, I'm not really "horny". I just feel this overwhelming sense of wanting to be affectionate with certain people.

It almost feels self destructive, like I could potentionally affect friendly relationships by seeming flirty or whatever else. Or coming on too strong. I'm way more aware of it nowadays and actively suppress these feelings by reminding myself it's not REALLY me, or even my way of approaching potential relationship interests. I kinda just started making interactions brief and polite with those people. But it ends up making my heart ache and feel empty because I have a driving desire to be affectionate.

The saddest part is I live with my asshole boyfriend who has been emotionally absent for half a dozen years. So idk if I'm just amplifying the feelings due to the absence at home. This emotional rush only lasts about a week or 2 and then I feel way more baseline again. But idk I kinda hate it because it's like craving sugar when you're on a diet, and you just want to not be craving sugar!! Ugh!