As soon as I thought I was doing better my PMDD came with a vengeance this month. I used to self harm religiously every luteal phase when I was younger . I have been five years clean from self harm (cutting on my thighs). It has been such an accomplishment for me and five years down the drain all so quickly... and over literally NOTHING. I hate how this disorder makes you feel literally insane over the smallest things and then you feel so guilty for feeling bad it just become an endless cycle of misery. I have been barely holding onto sanity this weekend because it's my sisters bday and I have been around family. Now that I've gotten back home by myself I immediately fell apart- I tried to call my boyfriend for comfort but he purposely ignored my calls while texting me and telling me that he's not going to answer because I didn't call him on Saturday (even though I did but he didn't get it) - I just got enraged out of nowhere because I apologized o him and told him I needed him more than anything right now and it's like he was taunting me and texting me while I was trying to call him and he knows that is the one way to set me off. I got so frustrated that I took my phone and hit my head twice, I split my head open pretty bad and it's been bleeding for 30 minutes straight, my eye is almost swollen shut and I look absolutely insane. I just feel so crazy and worthless and so ashamed that I haven't self harmed in so long and I let something so small take me back there. I feel so suicidal but I'm trying so hard to keep myself calm… I really apologize for the negativity ladies but I just need to get this out.