As you might be able to tell from the title, I’m not a believer. I don’t really come from a background that ever allowed anything a spiritual life to flourish.

As of late I have felt a tremendous feeling, which I cannot fully describe, arise within me: I feel it as if something that was once part of me has been lost. Like I lost my faith - but I never had it. So I feel like I am in grief. I wish I had faith. I feel a great yearning in my heart to truly have faith. It’s so frustrating to crave this spiritual connection to something, and not actually having the faith.

While that’s a description if how I feel, I was wondering if anyone has had a similar feeling? Or anyone have any advice on what to do?

I have been interested in orthodoxy for quite a while now, and feel a great connection to it - especially the mystic parts of it. But I just can’t get that final connection.

Help me - this is, in a way, tearing me apart, and I seek guidance in faith.

Thank you, at least for reading or understanding if you have no advice. I still appreciate that.