So I think that one of my biggest fears in opening up my marriage was that someone would eventually come along and absolutely blow her mind in bed. This happened a few months back but last night my wife (8/10 drunk) admitted that she’d had an amazing time with someone on their first encounter and though it didn’t remain on that level (she saw him probably 5-6 times in total) the guy did make her feel sexier than she’d ever felt. She then went on to tell me that though that was the best she’d ever have that I would always be her favorite. I’m not too sure what to make of it. I know I feel jealous about it, it was a big concern of mine going into it and I can also appreciate her actually admitting to it (she’d lied about this a few times) as this is one of her biggest fears as well. She told me that their connection was instant and though I was excited for her at the time my feelings on it have changed. They grew to have somewhat of a relationship until she got the ick and cut him off entirely. I mention this only to give some background for a request that I had asked for a few weeks back. To this day I have only vetoed one of her play partners and this was due to the guy being experienced in Dom/sub dynamics and I couldn’t get comfortable with my wife doing that with another person. He became another person she saw multiple times and developed some feelings for. There were just too many red flags for a marriage imo and I wanted us to both move at our own comfort level. That was the only time I threw down the veto card. She’s used it multiple times now. Pretty much every time I’ve seen someone more than once or when she’s noticed that there could be grounds for a potential connection, physical meet up or not. I had expressed my desire to get to know someone, even like them as more than a play partner if that came natural, because I’ve always felt that sex was better when something more than just lust was involved. She’s got to have this twice now and I’ve yet to experience it. Her argument is that she’s worried ill find someone more in common with, that I like to talk to more, that I find more interesting or successful, etc. and we develop more than just a physical connection that I’ll leave her. She claims that this isn’t something I ever need to worry on her end because our bond will always trump any NRE she could experience. She’s blatantly told me she would not be okay with me feeling the same things she had with anyone else but her. She says that I shouldn’t try to keep score or do everything that she has, which I totally agree with, it shouldn’t be tit for tat with everything but atm it just feels too one-sided. I’ve done a lot more emotional work than she has (by her admission also) and had to overcome more gut-punches: bdsm, sex clubs, face photos, a good number of lies. We decided that until she can get into a better headspace and start working through her fears and emotions we would close up. That was about 2 months ago.

Lately my wife has been really digging into her appearance and going as far to say that 3 months ago she felt sexier than she ever had and that her body isnt nearly at the same level it was. No amount of reassurance on my end has seemed to help this yet. We were in full swing during this time and I cant help thinking again that this is a little shitty. Like my compliments and assurances dont make her feel as sexy as theirs did. I guess im just feeling insecure. Not really sure what I’m asking for, I guess just advice on how to proceed. If my desire is to have some feelings for someone I get to see a few times, should I table that for now until she’s more comfortable, even though I dealt with it myself? Would you feel the same if your spouse admitted that you weren’t their best? If you’ve dealt with it, how? If I’m making a bigger deal out of this than I should that might be helpful too. Appreciate you all in advance ✌️