Supposedly, I missed the memo for the early spooky szn with all the ghosts skulking about.

I should preface this by saying my life ain't all that bad, but it would be better with you in it. I've ventured down this path before and know it takes a lot of patience and a bit of luck to find someone special.

Also, I'm not joking about the being handsome part. I've been threatened by redditor(s) for downplaying my attractiveness (and the fact I don't smile enough). Now let's continue, shall we?

It's obvious we're seeking sexual gratification - sure, underneath the superficial, we're really in search of validation, attention, and respect. Call me crazy, but I think these are essential for any relationship, especially within the confines of an affair.

About me: I wear a big smile often. I’m self-assured, funny, a tad bit kinky, and unapologetic in my opinions and pursuits. I've been around the world, dress well, medium-ugly, with a halfway decent mugshot, and can regale you with tales of my ridiculous life misadventures Far from having a dad bod, but not quite the adonis I aspire to be. I'm confident with my 6'5", broad shoulders, and nice ass. Plus, it doesn't hurt that I never skip leg day. Recently, I was told my hands were sexy, which admittedly I didn't know was a thing. Throw in a few tattoos and...voila! That's me. Overall, it's not bad for a guy pushing 38. My friends describe me as loyal, my colleagues consider me ambitious, and my kids think I'm the best daddy ever. I have my master’s and am also working towards a second graduate level degree. Apparently, I should mention that I'm a man in uniform. (hint: It's not UPS * inserts joke about package ) Overall, I'm a gentleman with just enough BDE to come across as more charming than obstreperous. Although I was once told my hobbies are "terrifying," motorcycles are not *that bad. Hahaha

• There's more, but I'd prefer to leave a little up to your imagination for now and have something to talk about.

Ideally, you would be:

• In the range of 27 to late 48, but these numbers aren't firm.
• Conventionally attractive, sure, but an ever greater personality is a must
• Someone with high personal standards and enjoys the finer things in life and isn't afraid to indulge.
• A sense of humor, love to laugh and joke around. Sarcasm is a bonus mandatory
• Open to an emotional connection
• A filthy mouth learned from your many days spent in the company of sailors
• Educated and inquisitive
• looking for something long-term
• Consistent communication
• Confident and direct
  
• Good taste in music, I need someone who can appreciate the symphony of life in all its forms. If you're a fan of Tchaikovsky or Hans Zimmer, skip to the front of the line.

As much as this post conveys the opposite, I try not to take myself too seriously. I’m not particularly desperate and treat this with a heavy level of discernment. Although I may be a filthy adulterer, I really hope to find that elusive spark that I know is out there, somewhere.

I’ve been described as intense (in a good way I'm sure) but I tend to be very thoughtful and I'm here hoping find someone like me, that I can make smile and appreciate the way she deserves.

I tried to keep things short and avoid writing an essay detailing the reasons why you should take a chance on me. If I've piqued your interest, spurred your curiosity, or you're just bored and want to send me some hate messages. Feel free to send me a chat. I'm looking forward to it, and you.

Happy Wednesday, ya'll

Total word count: 649 words or 3,624 characters