If finding a partner on reddit was like pondering a corporate job offer.

REDDIT, an enthusiastic yet slightly exasperated HR representative, leads me, your qualified yet haplessly average candidate, through the maze of cubicles.

REDDIT: (with a forced smile) Welcome to the dating pool... I mean, the job market. Here at r/onlineaffairs, we believe in finding the perfect match for your professional needs.

ME: (confused) Uh, job market or dating pool? I'm a bit lost.

REDDIT: (winking) Think of it like a blind date with a desk. First up, meet Brenda, our "Efficiency Guru." She'll organize your life faster than you can say "time management."

BRENDA, meticulously arranging office supplies in alphabetical order.

BRENDA: (robotically) I excel in color-coded calendars and alphabetizing paperclips. I'm the multitasking maestro you never knew you needed. Are you a sub?

ME: (raising an eyebrow) Whoa. Kind of early, but I can switch.

REDDIT nudges ME playfully.

REDDIT: (whispering) Oh, you'll see. Next up, we have Mary, our "Innovative Dynamo." She's like the Steve Jobs of staplers.

MARY, wearing a blazer adorned with random gadgets, enthusiastically shows off her latest office inventions.

MARY: (enthusiastically) Ever needed a pen that doubles as a... "rocket launcher"? Or an app that controls your... "muscle massager"? I'm your gal.

ME: (wide eyed) Gulp...

REDDIT guides ME to the next cubicle.

REDDIT: And here's on of our Milenial employees Susan, our "Communication Whisperer." She turns awkward water cooler moments into meaningful conversations.

SUSAN, with a headset on, practices friendly conversation with an office fern.

SUSAN: (nodding at the fern) We had a riveting discussion about budget reports today.

ME: (laughing) Does she even know I'm here?

REDDIT smirks and continues the tour.

REDDIT: Last but not least, meet Marsha, our "Risk-Taking Maverick." She once ordered a coffee without sugar.

MARSHA, looking proud, recounts her daring coffee order.

MARSHA: (smirking) Once you black, you'll never go back.

ME: (nodding) Bold move, Marsha.

REDDIT herds me towards to elevator for the final pitch.

ME: Am I going to meet any management?

REDDIT: They're on the OF floor, you need to pass through the pay wall to get that tour.

ME: Oh.

ME: Can I talk further with Marsha, Mary, Susan or Brenda?

REDDIT: Yeah sure, send them a message. They'll respond if they're interested.

ME: Do they get a lot of messages?

REDDIT: You're one of thousands we bring through. Many pay to go to the OF floor... (whispering) automatic replies.

ME: There are hundreds of other cubicles, do I get to meet any of them?

REDDIT: No, there are other HR reps taking tours through them.

ME: Where would my cubicle be if I take the job?

REDDIT: You'll share a space with other new hires.

REDDIT: So, what do you think? Ready to accept this exciting job offer?

REDDIT: (leaning in) Life's too short for dull moments. Embrace the chaos, and who knows? You might find the little red bubble in your notifications.