I don't want to give myself another opportunity to fall for a third narc. For a long time my time is for me and my daughters, and not a partner.

This one didn't even love me. He saw me as a benefit to him and strung me along because he didn't want to hurt me (yeah right, he just didn't want to give up the love making, cleaning, and cooking I offered). Even though I left I feel discarded because he essentially discarded our relationship a long time ago but needed to keep me around.

I thought because we rarely fought and moved fluidly together through tasks, activities, and projects together we actually meshed. I ignored the early signs. The first was him telling me a week or so in that he's infatuated with me. I should have left that moment. Then his grandiose nature yet absolute laziness to reach his goals. The way he treated his disabled brother (I knew I would be next but ignored that idea). And of course there was the alcohol, cannabis, nicotine, and screentime (YouTube) overuse. Him shunning me when I was upset with "it's not a big deal." His inability to apologize or take responsibility for his own behavior. Or even forgive others, including me.

I thought I could weed out another relationship after divorcing my narc ex. But I wasn't ready to. It really takes a long time to be ready for a healthy relationship after you've ended one with a narc. Take your time. Heal. Don't ever rush or be rushed. And never doubt yourself.