Very triggering This is my real childhood I did my best not to be graphic

Posted this before on the COCSA a long time ago and then I deleted it pretty Quick but it wasn't only child on child.. I (48m) can remember always thinking I grew up in a great place..A small safe dead-end street outside the city with ponds to fish and ice skate on near by. The street having 7 or 8 (a couple just on the main road too) families with other kids around my age some older some younger... but looking back there was a bad secret side.. the first memories of this was in the summer at age 5 or 6 or so. A man living alone we really didn't know had some family staying that summer one of which was a girl my age. I friended her. She turned our play sexual almost immediately alot of showing and touching every chance she had. We were caught by the neighbor next door because we were on the side of the house in the open were he could see.. She was having me lick her down there. The neighbor called my parents and we were grilled and talked to. From then on we were watched closer.. but still we hid and still "Played Butt" as we called it. After that summer I was obsessed (looking back I became an initiator to other's) a few of the other kids my age and I started doing sexual things. A couple years later me and another boy my age was caught behind a hay bail used for bow practice at the back of his yard by his father. We were yelled at and his father pulled his belt on my friend. I ran home expecting my parents to be called and the father never called. Then weeks later while riding my bike past the father sternly called me into his garage. He then made me do it to him calling me a little F@ggot the whole time. I rember gagging and almost throwing up when he was done. He made washout my mouth with the garden hose and I was very confused. This happened on a few more occasions by him. Then as a (13ish) young teen me and another boy my age traded oral whenever we had sleep overs. Sometimes his younger sister (11 or 12) was there participating when the sleepovers were at his house but she never touched us mostly I touched her were she told me. I even tried to have him penitrate me but it hurt too badly and I made him stop. Another of my friends lived with me while his mother went through chemo around 14 and it was a nightly thing to do oral on each other. There's more mostly jumbled memories As an adult I've never had any sexual attraction to the same sex For years I just wrote it off as kids being kids experimenting and the over charged hormones of teens. This wasn't normal.. this was wrong most kids don't go through this.. but this just made me realize I started alot of those encounters as a kid .. so what does that make me?
Should I talk to a professional?. Not sure I can because a big part of me feels alot was my fault. I'm sharing this whole story with my wife tonight by letting her read this..