How do you actively support / are activley supported by your SO?

Do you search and swipe in apps together? Do you discuss and choose potential hook-ups together? Do you set up / participate in the preparations for a date? Do you commit to an aftercare? Do you accept fantasies and porn, hook-ups and sex only, or even accept / support polyamory?

Background: we (relationship of eight years) are struggling on how to live-out / set boundaries to my blossoming pansexuality. My partner was very happy for me to have enjoyed my first sex with another man, whom we both trust, when I was on holiday with him recently. But she was totally shocked by my passion, when a stranger came up to us and asked for her permission to compliment and kiss me, whilst I was lying with my head in her lap at a queer kinky party (Berlin). She was left speachless, about how I had 'pushed myself up against him' and also didn't expect 'him to be my type' (tall and totally ripped). Her reaction hurt me, as it shamed me - which she did apologize for a few days later.

Thank you in advance for your insights^{^}