Thanks to those that have supported my original comment and messaged for the full story.

I met my ex in 1999. We were set up by friends and introduced on a blind date we didn’t know we were going to be on. At first I wasn’t interested in being more than “just friends”. I had a lot going on and had just come out of a bad relationship. She respected that but pursued over the next few months.

Due to a drunken night and poor decision making we became friends with benefits. The sex was amazing but I still had concerns about who she was as a person and the fact that she had come from an abusive relationship. (Important note for later).

Eventually we started dating and things got serious. We dated for a year had our ups and downs and I’m not sure what I was thinking but we got married and she got pregnant right away. That’s when things started to change.

During her pregnancy which was 2001, she became very mean. I of course thought it was hormones. She eventually accused me of cheating with her close friend. I was not and the friend took offense to the accusation and cut ties. This was her maid of honor at our wedding. Up to that point I was either at work or home. Any time she called to verify I was at work, I was there to quickly pick up the phone. The baby arrives and things are tense if it’s not related to the baby.

A year passes and we have had very minimal sex. I was a new parent and expected this to be a possibility. Things were tough because she also believed that if I was “taking care of myself” it was a form of cheating. I was miserable. One night things changed and she was all over me. This went on for nearly a month and abruptly stopped when she became pregnant with our second.

After that sex became nearly nonexistent. When it did happen it was cold and miserable. Mostly just on my birthday and anniversary. If she could cause a fight to get out of it, she would. I was miserable and jumped into different hobbies to keep busy.

Years of the same go by. At this time I’m convinced that this is what married life is and it will never be better. I had spent my free time remodeling our home and working on my career. She had done a great job convincing me that I was a horrible person and I was lucky she kept me around. I was beat down at home.

Kid are now in their early teens and my career is really hitting stride and I’m gaining a reputation. My confidence is at a high and I really am just there for the kids. Sex was non existent by her choice. I still cared but it wasn’t a necessity. I was still convinced married people only had sex once a year. She was jealous of my success and started trying to bring me down about my job. She was also working at getting a big promotion at hers. (This comes into play shortly)

Between competitions for the kids and traveling for work we both had stretches when we were not there. During this time she started getting phone calls that she would not allow me to overhear. She chalked them up as family or work calls. Christmas rolls around and we travel to see her family. Grandparents are excited to have the kids and I have a hiking trip planned in the mountains that would get me to their cabin Christmas morning. I arrived and she is no where to be found. She had borrowed a car to go see relatives the day I left and had not returned. She gets back later that afternoon and only says she had been staying with her aunts family. I had suspicions but didn’t think too hard about it because we were thousands of miles from home.

We returned from the trip and she asked me to move into the spare room in the basement. This caught me off guard but no need to sleep next to someone you’re not having sex with. The master bedroom was right above the room I was in and could hear through the vents and ceiling that she was masturbating loudly while on the phone with someone.

I confront her and it’s the usual lies of, I was hearing the tv and that she was watching a steamy show. Still doesn’t explain why the light fixture was shaking but I let it go. I start watching how she reacts to calls. She also has multiple “business” trips planned. I’m really suspicious at this point but have no evidence to go by. She leaves for a week long summer camp with our youngest daughter and her friend. Not much contact that entire week but also not unusual for us at that point. They returned and the kids are acting weird. The youngest starts talking about a major shopping trip they get to go on.

It’s coming up on six months of sleeping separately our anniversary is right around the corner I had started therapy with the hope that she would join. I wanted to try to save things and salvage our marriage. I wanted the kids to have a home that we basically rebuilt for them and just wanted us to be happy. Therapy helped me for what was about to hit next.

The week of our 16th anniversary she ended up with a two week business trip. I was disappointing by the timing as I was doing things to try to rekindle our long lost romance. As she was packing to leave my youngest pulled me to the side and told me to ask where she is really going and to make sure I can track her location. I confronted her and she handed me a printed itinerary and that I was crazy to think anything was wrong. She left but the app showed she in fact was heading in the opposite direction of her work location. She also was not responding to calls or text. I called the hotel where her conference was located and there was no such event. I confronted my youngest who confessed that there was no camp. It was a trip to see her abusive ex as she had started seeing him over our Christmas vacation. She was supposed to take the youngest on a shopping trip as a bribe but never did.

I sent her a text that there was an emergency with the kids and needed her to call. After trying the kids phones for two days she finally called me. I asked how her boyfriend was and also let her know I had a two day head start on the situation. She hung up. It was 6 hours before she called and tried to lie. I told her I knew about the fake camp and confirmed it with the other kid that went. I knew that they were stuffed in a hotel room while she had sex in the adjoining room to them. I also let her know that the parents were looking at pressing charges for endangering their child. I knew her ex was out of jail, he was a thief that beat and robbed women over 70. He was convicted on 4 separate counts. I let her know that since she opened a new account and stole the kids college money that I opened a separate account and cut off funds to the joint cards she was using. I finally let her know her things would be placed in the front yard and she could collect them when she returned. Or at least what was left since she wasn’t due back for a week.

I retained a lawyer and filed for full custody of the kids and put them in therapy. When she returned her defense for cheating was that “I” was the one that stopped having sex with her. It was my fault for being a terrible husband and that she would ruin me. In the court of public opinion she did. I was drug through the mud and made out to be the person she claimed I was. In the real courts I won. Full custody, no spousal support, and she was stuck with her debts. I was not able to have the money stolen from the kids accounts returned.

In the end the kids and I lived mostly happily ever after. I met a woman that has shown me what love truly means and we have all moved on to bigger and better things. The ex lives miserably, and can’t seem to leave us alone. She is working on her third divorce and is in a custody battle with the abusive ex.

Thank you to everyone for their DMs and comments of support and encouragement. I want this to be an example that through suffering we can find happiness. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and if you are struggling it will get better.