I can’t decide if I am being rational or irrational… I feel like I’m riding a roller coaster. My SO and I run a business together. We have been in business for 17 years. We of course have had our ups and downs which is reasonable. Over the last couple years, I have struggled pretty bad with feeling excluded, dismissed and disregarded. My SO says he doesn’t do any of this to slight me in any way. Previously, we would have arguments and never get anywhere. In a previous disagreement, we came up with a plan. We decided that if either of us were having a problem, we would send the other a text just saying “hey, can we chat later”. This puts a big in the other’s ear that a chat would be helpful when convenient. And also we made the agreement that we wouldn’t let things fester for more than 3 days.

Yesterday, I sent my SO a text in the morning saying:

“I’m just sending this to you in hopes we can set aside some time at some point to chat. Nothing bad, just a couple things”

SO replied:

“Oh yes. Like what?”

I replied:

“Some ‘feelings’ stuff. I’ve done some thinking and work on ‘em. Just need a boost or somethin”

My SO called me into his office and asked me what my troubles were. I suggested that perhaps later would be better when we’re not at work. He basically made me tell him what was bothering me. I expressed to him:

I feel a bit dismissed or disregarded. I just finished a university program and I was excited about it and wanted to share my excitement. My SO changed the subject as soon as I shared my excitement and replaced it with his own business venture excitement. He is hyper focused on our business and it’s leaving me feel left out and dismissed.

Then, he flew off the handle and told me my feelings are made up and not valid. I have changed a ton over the last few years. The things I used to say and do, I no longer do them. He is continually getting upset with me for things I “used” have troubles with. The one thing I came to him about turned into a bunch of things he decided to be mad at me about. I was sharing a valid feeling of mine, and he took it to the next level and made me feel really horrible.

I was supposed to go for lunch with him and our business partner, but he demanded that I don’t go and instead he demanded that I go think about what I’ve done. He told me that I uprooted the day and caused him great stress. I received a text that said him and our business partner would pick me up and we would be going for a chat. We went and chatted. My SO went up one side and down the other of me. The. I was given an opportunity to speak. I expressed that all the things he was upset with me about were all old things and not even the thing I was struggling with. He said “no, this is what happened and this is how you’re feeling”. Then our business partner spoke and essentially said this was inappropriate and that what we were doing wasn’t working.

At the end of the chat, I asked for an apology. I said I didn’t feel like I did anything wrong. I sent a message saying I wanted to chat later when convenient like we decided that is what we would do. I essentially got in major shut for doing something that I was supposed to do. My SO said “fine, I’m sorry”. I said thank you, and I carried on with my day.

I love my SO and I know he loves me, this issue just keeps surfacing and I would like to come up with a solution.

Is this fk’d up or am I?!

Thanks in advance!!!