I found out about this condition randomly and after looking it up and taking the MSD-16 I self diagnosed myself. But finding out that this is a disorder makes me feel sick.

This is my safe space. This is where I go when I'm depressed to pretend that everything's better somewhere else. The character that's supposed to be the very amazing version of myself (though they're very disconnected from being me at this point) is more talented and beautiful and personable and they have a more loving family that understands them. I can't listen to music if I'm on my own without it being related to this.

Finding out that it's a disorder makes me feel alien (I've been alienated all my life which is one of the reasons I use this in the first place). It makes me feel like I'm wrong. Like this needs to be fixed. But I don't want to fix it. It's one of the only things that almost always gives me joy. It's always there to fall back on.

Did anyone else feel like this?