So me and my girlfriend split up tonight. I'm actually devastated. I live in the states, she lives in Australia. I'm not only going to miss her and her children, but I'm going to miss Australia too. She's 45, im 43, she works for the Australian Borderforce, and I'm disabled as of last year, over a car accident, and the plan was always to move there once my daughter was finished with college. 10 years....10 years of talking every single day and night... saying goodnight and saying good morning, over with. No more going to my "Happy place" at the Gold Coast.... no more seeing her children that i have watched grow up from the last 10 years, no more of these long journeys to Australia. It's disappointing my last and final 2 trips i was disabled.

So I was hit head-on on Feb 15, 2023, and up until 3 days ago, I've been in pain every day. It disabled me, and i haven't been able to work. I was lucky enough to get a payout so i bought a brand new car, amongst other things, and went to see her in Australia just 3 months ago and stayed for a month, even though i was in a lot of pain (my ankle), we still had a blast. I got to watch her graduate the Australian Borderforce academy and that meant everything to her. She was here for my first surgery, i felt like i needed to be there for her special day. Anyways, since my accident, i turned into a monster. The pain just consumed me. I ran both of my siblings off last October, and since thanksgiving and Christmas was at my brothers house, i had to spend the holidays alone, but at least Shelley was there, even though halfway around the world, she was there. Long story short, my sister stole my passport the day of my flight to Australia to see Shelley in Feb of 2019, and by brother got me for about 2k when i got my money, then came to my house 3 months after my accident and stole most of my pain meds, while i was still on crutches and struggling with pain. So I don't fully blame myself, but maybe if i wasn't such a nice pushover, that wouldn't have happened, idk. But anyway, this made me mad, my accident, all my pain, and i couldn't even get anybody to mow my yard so i was pushmowing, on crutches, hopping on one leg. Shelley was always there for me. She was my person. Through all of this. The pain turned me Into an asshole and i got angrier in the last year. Can you blame me? Stress over not working for over a year, money running out, and being in pain every damn day, i was and am miserable. This injury changed me. I turned into a miserable person, and put me in such deep depression i had to get on mood stabilizers. Fast forward to 2 days ago. I had another surgery (3rd on my ankle), they removed 17 screws, 3 plates, and a rod from my ankle so i can get a total ankle replacement in a couple months... and let me tell you what, the last 2 days have been hell. Where's my gf? I'm not sure. We got into it 2 nights ago after i made a post on fb bc i was struggling and wanting advice and she accused me of making a "poor me" post. We got into it, and haven't spoken since. She did message last night and apologized, and said she needed time, and tonight i called it. I shouldn't have had to go through all this i without her to help me keep my spirits up. She knows i have nobody at all, nobody, and it hurts me so bad that she wasn't there at all. That's not like her. She's always been super close, like if i wanted to leave her, it would be very hard. The way she is acting, like she doesn't care, doesn't message, nothing, i honestly feel like she met somebody else, and my mother was telling me she feels the same way. So i decided to send her a long message and told her ot was time to end it. It makes me sick, i don't even know how to be single again. She was all i had. The only person on this earth that i had that was on my side. My person. Somebody i could talk to. I worry about what's going to happen to me mentally now. I needed her inspiration when things were rough, and now for the first time in 10 years, I'm alone alone. Disabled, unable to walk or go anywhere, and i lost my person, all over my attitude. This pain, this injury, it changed me. It ruined my life. I'm just mad at the world right now. I just don't have a purpose anymore and honestly i don't even want to be here anymore. Life is nothing but hell for me. It's hell. I've lost all motivation to push forward.