Completely Accurate Horoscope

Written by: u/thetitaniumtaco

Aries: The earth sings to you. Remember to sing along.

Taurus: If the lights flicker in your house, that’s just their way of saying hello.

Gemini: The glass in the wind is long and thin and can take an eye out if you’re not careful.

Cancer: Sudden changes in altitude are an indicator that the earth has opened up beneath you.

Leo: There are hands that are reaching for your door. Do not let them in.

Virgo: Existential dread isn’t good for the skin. Try some moisturizer.

Libra: Keep your friends close and the ghosts of your dead plants closer.

Scorpio: The heart wants what it wants and right now that’s a club sandwich on rye.

Sagittarius: The skeletons in your closet would make great sidekicks if reanimated.

Capricorn: Let that tree into your life. It will bring joy, fulfillment, and a lot of emotional baggage.

Aquarius: Better to have loved and lost than to have never eaten your vegetables.

Pisces: You cannot see them, but the eyes are there, watching.

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Uncle Duncan’s Existentialist Column

Written by: u/GJDuncan

Hellow Fellows!

How wonderful it is to see you all again. I thought today I would share with you a recollection of a recent encounter I had with an unfortunate bee. The poor fellow had found himself downed on the pavement, crippled in the wings, and unable to return to his home. I noticed the young insect and raised him up to my eye level. I saw, as you might expect, an exasperated bee, surely destined to die far away from any of his kin and in all likelihood without accomplishing all the deeds and acts which he had hoped to.

I could not help but wonder whether this bee deserved this fate. Had he committed some heinous act against his queen and colony? Had he shamed The Sun with some blasphemous off-hand comment? For this severe of an end there must have been a sin sufficiently sour, or else there must have been some mistake in the cosmic books; a vile centipede somewhere has escaped scot free and is now enjoying the happy retirement destined for this bee. This error would surely be corrected in due time, and the bee would be restored to his rightful glory while the many-legged villain would be cast down to his deserved demise.

But then, as these many thoughts were meandering through my mind, I was reminded of the myriad people in this world who have also suffered these cosmic miscarriages of justice. I know many people, including in our glorious community, of whom I have nothing but good things to say, and yet they suffer tragedies just the same as the scoundrels. The balancing books seem then to be at best neglected and at worst non-existent, and this bee had merely suffered a fatal mishap regardless of his virtues and vices. The simple fact seemed to present itself to me: bad things do indeed happen to good people.

I must admit I found this a rather disheartening conclusion and attempted to comfort myself with the knowledge that on the other side the True are rewarded, taken through the Yellow Gate to cruise down the rivers of honey. Perhaps we would meet this bee again on the other side. But I could not accept this as a solution to our problems and attempted to look further for a solution. I cannot claim to be an endless font of solutions, and so I realised that the best I can offer is the perhaps disappointing consolation echoed in the Kelly Clarkson 2011 anthem “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)”. We must power through the struggles we can, and when we falter, we must ask for help from our Fellows. The unfortunate bee, though he lacked communication skills, came to me for help, and now he lives on my windowsill in a miniature bungalow.

Keep on struggling my fellows, for it is only in the hard times that we find our truest potentials.

That seems like enough self-absorbed drivel for this week, I hope you will join me again in the next issue of NoU, but for now, tata you beautiful fellows.

Yours truly,

Uncle Duncan.

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Golden Challenge Advertisement

Written by: u/thetitaniumtaco

For anyone that doesn’t know, the Golden Challenge is a weekly event held on r/JuiceBar where anyone can make original content (OC), be it art, a meme, a gif, a poem, lore, or any other form of OC, based on the prompt. This week’s prompt is Sunflower. You must post your OC on r/JuiceBar and flair it as “Golden Challenge” for it to be considered. Winner is determined by number of upvotes on the post, and top three get special flairs on the sub! There is only a week left to submit your OC, so get some in and have fun!

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To Commend Or Condemn: A Game Review Article

Written by: u/GaryMemeville

Howdy there Yellow. Most people like video games but may get stuck determining what to buy. That's why I'm here, to commend or condemn a game based on my tastes.

Today, I'm reviewing VA-11 HALL-A. VA-11 HALL-A is best described as a visual novel about a bartender serving a variety of customers in a dystopian cyberpunk future.

What's great is that it manages to make your choices have importance, without any dialogue options. It never falls into a trap of "gameplay" and "story", but cleanly merges the two into a solid experience.

The visuals are beautiful, and they work perfectly within the tone of Glitch City. Everyone you meet feels very real, with a large amount of backstory being poured into every character.

Due to the nature of a visual novel like this, I do have to try my best to avoid spoilers. Without revealing anything extra, there are a lot of surprises in the game that make it so if you want to play the game, go in blind.

At the end of the day, it's a funny, smart, and sometimes tragic video game, and it's so good it's no surprise it gets a COMMEND.

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Any yellow, Friend of the Union, or Friend of the Union hopeful can write an article for No U! If you would like to write one, submit it to me, u/thetitaniumtaco, and I will put it in the next issue!