It's hard to know where to start. A lot of this backstory occurred while my DH was still a little kid though I've had my own first hand experience with this cast of characters.

Soup Sally: Jim's mom (GMIL) Her nickname will be explained eventually
Ned: Sally's husband (GFIL)
Uncle 1 FIL's brother
Uncle 2 FIL's brother
MIL
SIL
DH Me, fish
FIL Jim

For a brief history, Jim was diagnosed with MS early on in DH's life. He's had a slow decline and by the time I entered the picture, he was wheelchair bound and quickly losing the ability to speak. Some of what I share will have context from the past, but the featured stories will at least be things I was present for. Jim did have infidelity issues, but MIL stuck by him for fear of being labeled a deserter because of his diagnosis, not because of cheating.

We start with Jim's passing, unfortunately, and the shit storm that arose via his wake and funeral. He had been in hospice care in a nursing home and was brought home to pass peacefully with family (MIL, SIL and DH). My mother and I both flew in to support family for the services after he died.

The wake was on a Monday from 2pm to 9 pm.

Sally and Ned arrived with Uncle1 and 2 and the divisiveness began. We had a period of private mourning with the casket before the wake officially started. Not once did one of the brothers come to say anything to MIL. This was just the beginning. More family began to trickle in, most from the Sally/Ned side of the family (Jim's family). Spam, Uncle1's wife, began orchestrating and directing new arrivals into the room. We did not have the standard 'receiving line' for people to come in and offer condolences and the lack of such a custom visibly threw people off.

For the most part, MIL, SIL and DH were on one side of the room. Uncle1 and Uncle2 laid 'claim' to the doors into the room and Spam welcomed everyone, directing them in. Very few people went to the casket for anything. They stayed and socialized with the brothers and parents. At several points Sally rushed from the room, sobbing dramatically as soon as someone mentioned anything about how awful things were that she lost her son. If she was asked anything else, she proclaimed very loudly how excited she was that she was going to be a Great Grandmother (because Uncle1's daughter in law is expecting). At her son's funeral. Only a few people made it over to see Jim, and even less came to see MIL. Of those that did were his old coworkers, his swim coach from high school and a few elementary school buddies that he grew up with. Not one other family member approached Jim's -wife- or children.

Midway through the wake there developed a large cluster of people at the doors (thankfully there were three doors). When MIL's friends arrived the conversation with several of them proceeded as follows:
"How did you know Jim?" - One of the brothers
"I'm a friend/relative of MIL" - friend/relative
"You're her -friend-?" - one of the brothers, likely Uncle2
"Yes...."
"Why?"

Guests were -horrified- and came to tell MIL what was going on. Many people commented on how divided the room appeared to be and clearly recognized that the family, especially Spam, were trying to run the show, while MIL just went from person to person and basically kept under their radar. DH and I, when not speaking with people, people watched. This was especially interesting when Gale arrived.

I'm going to give you a brief background on Gale. She had been Jim's high school sweetheart before he met MIL. He continued to see her after he married MIL. For about six to seven years, in fact. DH remembers his mom driving to their dock in a rage in time to see Jim and Gale coming off of the boat after spending a lunch together, on the water. MIL hadn't been able to find him and was worried that he might have fallen and hurt himself (as his MS was progressing at this point) She had called his coworkers, they said he was out at lunch. She called his parents who said they hadn't seen him. Finally a friend mentioned that he had taken the boat out. She called their neighbor near where they kept the boat who said that Jim was out on the boat with some redhead. That redhead was Gale. When MIL confronted the two they denied anything and Gale let slip that they had lunch with Jim's parents that day. And his parents flat out lied to MIL about seeing Jim. There was a strong preference for the mistress over the wife, is the point.

So Gale showed up and was immediately greeted warmly and hugged and welcomed by Ned, Sally and the two brothers and their wives.

Near the end of the wake, one of the Sisters (the family is Catholic) performed a small service. MIL wanted the Rosary read because Jim prayed the Rosary. Sally had protested, saying that "No one wants the Rosary read. It's inappropriate for non-Catholics." Well, no... Jim would have wanted the Rosary prayed. He did it. This was in memory of him. You honor his memory no matter what -your- beliefs. Instead of praying the Rosary the Sister compromised and did a different type of prayer instead that incorporated parts of the Rosary. Then people were invited up to speak of their happy memories of Jim. Four people spoke. DH, SIL, MIL's Uncle and one of Jim's cousins. Ned and Sally didn't speak. None of his brothers spoke. This was after they were expounding on how wonderful Jim was during the entire wake and how unfair it was that he was gone and how fun he was when he was around. Not a one of them shared that with all of those in attendance.

And that is where we'll conclude for the day. Next... the FUNERAL!