I (45/husband) am looking for guidance/perspective on how experienced couples go about findings single guys. Specifically, I'm looking for the process you go through and how you balance the need to vet guys vs. moving quickly to meeting in person. Also interested in how husbands are involved in that process.

What I am finding is that the process we are using just isn't getting us to successful play dates. Our challenges center around scheduling issues and my wife's disinterest in online meeting/chatting. She points to being "too busy" to deal with chatting but that is driven by her distaste for the testing/chatting thing that she acknowledges as a "necessary evil".

Our process is generally as follows:

1. I look for prospective guys on paid swinger sites. When there is a connection, I move the discussion to a 1:1 kid chat with just met to make sure the guys is a reasonable fit for my wife. This may take a day or a few days depending on frequency of texts.
2. At that point I'll bring my wife into the chat. It may go another day or few days or even a week or more before we propose an in person meeting. Delays here happen where my wife just doesn't prioritize the chat and I constantly have to remind her to engage. It doesn't seem to matter how attractive the guy is to her. She's typically more attracted to personality/charisma so her typical reaction when seeing a profile is "He's ok. I'd have to meet him in person.".
   
3. Once an in person meet is agreed upon then scheduling becomes a problem. We currently have one night per week where our pre-teen kids don't have something going on where we have to drive them. On the one night we can typically get away for a few hours for drinks/dinner but without a babysitter need to be 20-30 minutes from the house. We live in a big metro area so this is limiting at times.
   
4. We are typically a no-play first date (my wife and I both are more demisexual so it takes us a bit to have the connection necessary for a good play session). So if we get to a second date we have to do the babysitter thing which when combined with our own schedule gets challenging at best.
   

So, any thoughts on changing this up? A few things that have crossed my mind:
1. Let my wife go on initial dates herself. We are most interested in an MFM so it seems like this would get awkward when I all of a sudden show up for the play date and haven't met the guy yet.

1. Give up on MFM at first and just let my wife fully jump into hotwifing on her own. This would make the scheduling a lot easier where she could go on dates and I handle things at home. I struggle with this dynamic if I don't also get similar opportunities. I wouldn't expect equal # of opportunities but at least that I get to experience playing with single women on occasion. She isn't ok with me playing alone at the moment though she acknowledges she would likely be more ok if she's getting to play alone herself.

2. Search for guys through other means like Tinder or other apps.

If you read this far, thanks. Any suggestions?