I (27F) have recently realised that a lot of my relationship issues with my partner (25M) may stem from a clash of attachment styles. After doing some research I realise that I associate very strongly with an anxious attachment style and I believe that he may have a fearful avoidant style, although I understand I cannot make this assessment myself.

From the beginning of our relationship I have felt there has been an imbalance of power in favour of him but he has always been insistent that I have all the power, even stating often at the beginning that I would "hate him eventually". Our fights often consist of me wanting something more from him (most recently more of his time) and him saying he is not willing to give me it. This leads to me feeling like he does not care about me and pushing more and more which leads to him pulling away and sometimes suggesting we should break up. He often then does not talk to me for several days, which distresses me further and so I continue to pester him, although I have been trying to control this recently. However, when he does start talking to me, more often than not he is willing to have more of a conversation about the situation and we can often come to some sort of compromise.

He has "broken up" with me three times but each time i have just continued on like nothing has happened apart from possibly being slightly more attentive and everything has gone completely back to normal (in a good way) within a week each time. I have challenged him previously on this behaviour and he has apologised but it still appears to be his gut reaction to conflict. When we have talked about this he has said "we are going to break up eventually" because "nothing lasts forever" and things to that effect. He has a lot of trauma and abandonment in his past from both childhood and past relationships so I can understand why he has this outlook.

We have been having more fights recently as his schedule has changed and he is wanting to do more and more independent socialising and does not want to plan more than one day together a week but does say we can see each other 'ad-hoc' at other times if his plans fall through. We do not live together so this ad-hoc time is often limited to if he is working from home and I have a day off or occasionally a few hours during the day at the weekend, but he will always have other evening plans. I was getting upset about this as it made me feel like he did not want to spend time with me. He explained that he needs lots of varied socialisation in his life and didn't want to be put in a "couple" box during social events as he thinks it changes how people interact with him. I find this hard to understand as I have always preferred socialising with those I am close to rather than strangers/acquaintances but it sounds like he has always done this so I have to accept it isn't personal.

Sorry for the long post but I wanted to give some context. There is probably more I could say as every relationship is complicated but my main question is how do we resolve this? I have not mentioned attachment theory to him yet but I will over the next few days and I am hoping he will be responsive to what I am saying and want to try to work on it. Obviously I have my own part to play which I am more than willing to do. Basically, do you think this is something we can fix, or are we at too big a disadvantage due to our conflicting attachment styles? If so, where can we start?