...but I just don't want to. They say it'll be good for me to take some time away from my family and "take my mind off things". But grieving with my family is comforting to me, and everywhere I look I am reminded of my dad. They say that it's almost been 3 weeks and I should probably go back to my own house now. But my mom says she's happy I'm here and I don't want to sleep alone.

Some of my friends and I had been planning a Lord of the Rings marathon that happened the other day. I stayed for the Two Towers, and all I could think about was my dad. He loved Lord of the Rings--he was the one who lent me the books to read. And he always wanted to go to New Zealand. I cried so hard on the drive home I had to pull over to compose myself. And my friends said they were sad I didn't stay for Return of the King (but I knew that would send me over the edge).

How do I gently tell people to stop asking me to hang out? How do I explain that I don't want to have fun? That crying over my dad is not necessarily a bad thing? How do I tell them that I've changed? I want and need different things now. I'm not the same as I was before December 10th (when dad was admitted) and I probably will never be that same person again.