It was my birthday today, technically yesterday as i post this, and it's so so hard. I knew it would be, but i felt so..disconnected today. Nothing gave me joy. I knew if she were here she would've been the first one to tell me happy birthday, how much she loves me, but i wont get any of those messages anymore. This day feels empty without her, i feel empty. I lived for her and now she's gone, and i don't really WANT to live anymore. I know that when i die i'll be happy, cause i can see her again. This pain is unimaginable. I don't feel completely happy anymore each day because she's not in my life anymore. How can the world still spin, and everyone go about their day, but mine is crumbled. I feel like im surviving but not living. Instead of living 20 years without her when im 40, i get 50 years without my mother, and i don't know if i can do that. I wish no one had to lose their parents, it's just not fair