I (19) have never had a friendship in real life for longer than a year and it's severely handicapped my relationship abilities.

I've been a part of a server for more than a year now and have developed personal relationships with some members in private messages. I'm in trouble with one now.

I've recognised a pattern in my past relationships where I start to realise how vulnerable I want to be with them and then start to isolate myself from them because of a combination of my environment and panic about my feelings mixed with pre-existing mental health issues. This has recently occurred with my online friend, who I care about very much. They have also had short relationships with a similar pattern, except they're the one abandoned.

I've been trying so hard to convince them that they deserve better than that and now I've betrayed their trust. I've explained to them what's going on and that it's not their fault I'm a shitty person, but I know they don't believe me or feel any comfort in my words now. Especially because they've just left another relationship because they were ignored and abandoned for long periods of time.

I want to fix this so bad but I don't know how. Do you know how?