Welp, here goes nothing.

It's getting colder, I'm getting older and I'm finding myself wishing I had someone special in my life. I recently moved across the country to a small(er) city on the west coast of Canada. I have a good job with incredible benefits and a pension. The work is easy, rewarding and it gives me enough money to do most of the things I want to do. I've spent the time since I arrived cultivating platonic friendships, building out networks through my gym and an improv community that I absolutely love being a part of. I'm currently putting together a D&D campaign with some new friends and preparing my bike for the rainy winter ahead. I do CrossFit and yoga, cycle fairly often and am currently playing my way through Baldur's Gate 3. I don't often get into video games, so I like to take my time with them when I do. I was diagnosed with ADHD a couple years ago and, since taking medication and starting therapy, have gotten my life much more on-track than it was before. I attribute much of my previous foibles with starting and maintaining relationships to being undiagnosed. I would characterize my 20's as "grasping" for love, having grown up amongst a poverty of affection and understanding and the first half of my 30's as "waffling" on love, unsure of what I wanted as I slowly but surely came to understand that I had enough value to be able to choose. I want to someday become a therapist or coach to help folks like myself, although I'm by no means ready to make yet-another career change (just yet). I journal less than I should and am prone to bouts of doom scrolling and catastrophizing -- although I wallow in that space for much shorter periods of time than I used to. I am interested in psychedelics, neuroplasticity and try my best to cultivate a "growth mindset" (bereft of all the baggage of the types of men who typically use that phrase). I'm politically progressive, identify as a feminist, try my best to leave a small footprint and am extremely debt-adverse. I like road trips, camping, hiking, audiobooks about politics and psychology, swimming in lakes, walking through cities, films about humans and melancholic music with thoughtful lyrics.

Dating apps simply don't work for me. Besides finding them tedious and time-consuming, I am a bit camera-shy. I grew up as a fat kid and still struggle to see my body the way others do. I'm told I'm quite handsome ("hot", even) but I have only begun to see my value in this regard. I'm 6' tall and weigh 195lbs right now. I'm secretly trying to get much, much fitter but am doing so at a comfortable, sustainable pace. I've been growing my hair out for the last couple years and have a love-hate relationship with my curly / wavy hair. I'm happy to provide a photo (and may even update this post with one if I get up the nerve). I think physical attraction is extremely important to a romantic relationship since -- as I have long contended: the only *real* difference between a friendship and a relationship is the desire to sleep with someone. I can be friends with anyone; but I only want one partner.

I don't want kids -- in fact, I had a vasectomy in my mid-twenties in order to put the entire thing to rest. I've always thought I might adopt one day if I changed my mind and have -- on two occasions, with previous partners -- given it some consideration. I know I'd be a good dad as I am nurturing and patient but I simply lack the drive to have my own children. I recently said goodbye to my canine companion of 16 years (a border collie) and although I am not in any rush, see myself as someone who will always have dogs in his life. I am an excellent dog trainer and vastly prefer dogs to cats (although cats are pretty neat too).

I want to travel, but don't have a strong predilection to do so alone. I resonated very deeply with Christopher McCandless' (the real-life protagonist of "Into the Wild") revelation that "happiness [is] only real when shared". My attempts to travel alone have always left me feeling regret that I didn't instead take the time off to deepen my relationships with friends or explore my home with more time and attention.

I currently live in a medium-sized city and previously lived in Toronto. I love living in cities because I love people. I enjoy being able to walk and cycle to good food and to see my friends. I am comfortable in urban environments, however, I have long-dreamt of living off-grid, growing my own food and stewarding my own land. In my darker moments, I wonder if this is even possible anymore, but I still entertain the dream as a possibility. It feels like it may be easier with someone to share it with.

Alright, so -- this is starting to read like a long-winded journal entry more than a dating profile (which was my fear when I started) so I'll cut it off here. My hope is that my "someone" is out there reading this and finding themselves identifying with me or, at the very least, wishing they could get to know me better. I am looking for someone who can truly "see" me as I am and wants to bring their entire self to building a relationship that will last the rest of our lives. I am hoping you're cute and take care of your body (even if you're new to that sort of thing) and have your own passions to share -- or, keep to yourself, if that's your preference. This post did a piss-poor job of communicating it, but I have a fairly ribald sense of humour and a zest for life itself -- promise.

I suppose my closing thought is this: I'm not afraid of being alone; it often feels like I have been my entire life -- I'm just really, really tired of it. If you are too: drop me a line.