My ex (20m) and I(20 f) started dating the first week of college and stayed together until February of our sophomore year. He broke up with me just over a year ago, saying he lost feelings. I had noticed he was distant for some time and when I asked about it, he said he was going through something. I suggested therapy, but nothing changed.

He was spending a lot of time with a female friend who used to like him when they first met, and I’m pretty sure she still had a crush on him while we were together. He would always bring her up casually in our conversations, and when I asked him if he liked her, he denied it. He did admit to talking to her about our relationship problems and how he had been losing feelings for me. When I brought up the girl to him during our breakup conversation, he said, “she’s like a sister to me,” which made me even angrier because I feel like that’s never the case.

A month before we broke up, he mentioned that sometimes he felt like I didn’t like him anymore. I reassured him that I valued him and cared about him a lot. He admitted he had been neglecting me so that I’d detach and break up with him first. Then a month later, he tells me he lost feelings.

In September (a few months after we broke up) we ended up in the same class and he liked me on Tinder but unmatched after I matched back. I run into him sometimes on campus, and he acted like nothing happened after matching with me on Tinder.

We went no contact immediately after the breakup. Everyone kept saying, “they always come back,” but he didn’t really. His birthday was in May, and I didn’t text him, but he texted me happy birthday in November and checked in. When he texted me on my birthday, I confronted him, saying he was either trying to get back together or hinder my healing process. He denied it, saying he genuinely just wanted to wish me a happy birthday. He also admitted the Tinder like was on purpose and when I asked him why he did it, he tried to pin it on me saying I would’ve never known if I didn’t match back too. While we were texting on my birthday, he also admitted that he should’ve handled the break up better and that he wanted to come back but he thought he had waited too long and I seemed to be doing better so he thought it was best to just leave me alone.

Most people use happy birthday texts as a way to get back with their ex and I’m pretty sure it’s common knowledge. Plus when we were in the relationship I told him people only text their ex happy birthday and check up on their ex if they’re trying to get back together. If we’ve been no contact and I didn’t text him on his birthday, I would assume he’d get the hint that we’re not on good terms. At the end of the day, he is a “nice guy” and is a people pleaser. I think this affected our relationship too because he put everyone else first since he doesn’t like to be hated. He would always do what everyone else wanted before keeping his word to me.

Then, two months ago, he called me on a random Thursday night for about 2 seconds—the phone didn’t even ring long enough for me to answer. He texted shortly after saying, “that was an accident.”

I can't get over him, and all these mixed signals are driving me crazy. Is he just trying to mess with me or looking for an ego boost?? What do I do?

It’s really been over a year and I don’t know what to do anymore. I would expect to have healed by now but nothing is working and I feel like I only lose my mind more everyday. I just want to get over it. What would you do if you were in my position?