Hi all,

This is somewhat of a loaded post.

For context: I (22F) love my partner (25M). He has been an excellent friend and lover to me and I can honestly say I see a future with him. However, he recently admitted to me that he’s been on grindr and tinder while we’ve been together. He even told me that at one point, he was planning on hooking up with someone behind my back. While the ethicality of his secret-keeping has been discussed and dealt with, I am secretly overjoyed?

I have been curious about ENM for some time and proposed this to him while we were discussing the issues mentioned above. To me, ENM seems like the best solution for both of us, as I have never truly wanted monogamy long-term and he is extremely confused about his sexuality, among other things. Participating in ENM would help us both have an outlet for these issues. I also think ENM would help us develop a strong foundation for a long-term relationship, as practicing open communication and working through a lot of these things together would be really cool. I have always wanted a partner that would be interested in ENM but never thought I would find one in the rural south.

With all of this being said, I don’t know where to start. We are wanting to enter into ENM together as a couple, not individually. We are also wanting not to become emotionally intimate with our other partners. Is there terminology for this? How can I even talk about this? Where do I start? Any advice is appreciated!