From my understanding, in polyamory there is no one that checks off for every box. I would say this is true regardless of relationship style. But I find that some boxes are non-negotiable. An example I would say is life skills or having some knowledge of survival. Another example is practicing softness and vulnerability. I find myself getting frustrated after a while of trying to provide guidance to partners that may lack these things. I struggle with accepting them for who they are and where they are in life versus where I want them to be. I know it sounds stupid and I don’t want to be controlling, but I find that I am with partners that don’t want to change for themselves without an outside push.

So I guess my question is: What makes you want to change, if at all? What sparks your desire to change? Do you think you are fine the way you are? Why?