I am ENM and have several regular partners. One of my partners - who is also ENM - is having sex with 2 other women one of whom is a good friend of mine. Other than the occasional twinge of jealousy, this is working out fine.

Now my friend tells me she's been exposed to HSV1 by one of her other partners. She's told me that she wasn't going to have sex with our mutual partner until after she was tested. Tonight she called to say she'd had sex with him but they used a condom. I made some comment along the lines of "hey, as long as he knew the risks..." which is when she said she hadn't told him about the herpes exposure.

I know that most people test positive for HSV even if they have no symptoms. The thing is I have plans to play with him tomorrow and I'm feeling unsure about it. I can't help but be concerned that he's been exposed and I could possibly pick something up from him. I feel confident that if he knew she'd been exposed to herpes he wouldn't have had sex with her. I don't want to break her confidence. It's just so messy. Should I just encourage her to tell him? Should I tell him? Should I still have sex with him because "everyone" has herpes anyway? Would a condom even help if it's mouth sores?