Dear people, Hi there. This may be a bit of a long winded post, I'm not so good at minimising things when it comes to my family and I.

I'm stuck in a dilemma, at 46 years of age, and being transgender - I truly have no idea who my family are or where I come from.

I was born in New Zealand (this much I know), but really my parents were always very secretive about the rest of my family, often telling my brother and I (who was 5 years older than I) that we were the "only ones".

I know we had family members, whether they were completely relayed to me or not is another thing entirely, but I know they existed.

My mother forbid us both from ever speaking about anything to do with family, including where we were from, who are "grandparents" were etc.

I am nothing at all like the other three members of my immediate family (father, mother and brother), neither in looks nor personality traits, we share absolutely nothing.

My family were incredibly hostile and violent (sexually, physically and emotionally), yet I always seemed to be the one at the receiving end of all of this.

My mother often told me I wasn't hers, there were no childhood baby photos of myself in the house, yet dozens of my brother.

My father was a serial cheat, he messed around on my mother continuously, and whenever a woman became pregnant with his child, we would simply just move to another district. It was horrific really.

My father often joked that I had brothers and sisters all over the place whom I'd never met.

I don't know what I'm asking for specifically , some guidance on where to start with finding out where I come from, who my siblings are, where.

I did an ancestry DNA test some time ago and nothing specifically grand jumped out at me, I had a very low number of matches indeed (yet, I known that my dad's Auntie is on ancestry and I never matched with her).

My life has been plagued in mystery, I have no idea who my family truly were, and can only hope that I wasn't born of my Mother, as she was a very cruel and sadistic person indeed.

Perhaps someone can help, even if it's via knowledge of where to turn next, otherwise onfear I'll never know, and I don't know if I can live with that.

I have been severely estranged from any kind of "family" my whole life, so I really don't know what to say...

Thanks so much in advance.