This is short fictional story about an ex wife I've heard of, it was told to me once on a dark and stormy night, I recall as best I can... it's all meant as a joke, please if you have no sense of humor, stop here...

Russ was captured once. Ridden down and surrounded by vicious enemies. Latina enemies... They surrounded him on horseback, with their long vicious claws, painted individually, covered in a fracture resistant gell, Yes, they were that evil, whilst the populace were surviving on black bread and dreams, the evil Latina queen had spent their taxed levied funds on adornments and cheap footwear.. They dragged the reluctant prisoner towards the evil Nicaraguan mistress, her snapping her fingers in three counts, to let the warrior know just how serious it was, He was brought down to his knees before her, She told him, "if you want to leave me and live, many trials and labour's must you face" He replied, anything I'll do to be away from you, from this place...

She laughed, "no man born of woman has survived me before, you are welcome to try" She followed, "you must preform four trials, feats of courage and bravery, before I allow you to leave my evil island"

First, you must walk a trench of blazing hot coals, second, you must drink a full quart of our strongest whisky, third, with a small set of pliers, enter a cave and pull a tooth from a deadly man killing lioness, and lastly, you have to make passionate love to the oldest, ugliest woman in the entire village"

Well, Russ being Russ, manfully called for the coals, he strode over them like grass, he called for the jug of whisky, manfully downed it In one, smashing the pot to the ground, he staggered into the cave, There followed the most hideous of sounds, shrieking, screaming, scratching, mewling, moaning, smashing... The listening captors felt themselves going cold, at last the warrior staggered out into the sunlight morning, scratches and bites all over him. Russ stood tall amd took a deep calming breath.. he said to the crowd..

"Right then, where's the woman with the toothache?"