I've been grappling with refractory epilepsy for nearly a decade. In my previous life, before this condition took hold, I experienced the pinnacle of my professional journey. Seven years ago, I embraced the role of a grandparent within my loving family. Despite having no complaints on the familial front, my struggle lies in battling boredom.

My routine typically begins with an early wake-up around 4 AM, walking my dog to avoid unnecessary barking encounters. Despite making plans, I often find myself returning to bed and failing to follow through upon waking. Memory lapses, limited social interactions, changing plans, persistent pains, intrusive thoughts, gastric issues, anxiety, depression, apathy toward sex, or bouts of hypersexuality all contribute to the complexity of my daily experience. The few activities I'm allowed to do around the house are minimal, further constrained by my wife's remote work.

Recognizing the need for changes, I've sworn off activities involving electricity, having had close calls that served as a wake-up call. Driving, a standard activity for most, is off-limits due to refractory epilepsy, a decision that requires no second thought.

This morning, around 5 AM, my day commenced with a seizure, followed by two more by noon, each characterized by focal episodes with impaired consciousness. In October, I participated in a Ketamine IV study for epilepsy, which notably lessened the intensity of my seizures. Beyond that, the impact on my mood was unexpectedly positive, revealing a level of well-being I hadn't thought possible. As these effects gradually subside, I anticipate a booster to maintain this newfound relief. This, in essence, is my current struggle and reflection.