I posted the following in the Dead Bedroom forum but the people responding don't seem to understand. Thoughts welcome.

My husband and I recently emerged from an extended dead bedroom. Back story: menopause really kicked my ass. My formally healthy libido dropped off a cliff. Sex began to hurt. My anxiety increased. I almost didn't recognize myself as I always took my sex drive for granted. I mourned this loss deeply.

I tried HRT and even had internal laser treatments to rejuvenate my vagina. Nothing worked.

My husband continued to be loving and patient with me but I was not able to reciprocate. Sex, when we had it, became formulaic. Neither one of us was happy. Then outside stressors came into play. Parents declined and died, the pandemic hit, and work was stressful. We stopped having sex entirely. We had become roommates. It was sad.

My anxiety level continued to increase. I realized that I needed pharmaceutical help. I started taking Lexapro earlier this year and began to feel more like myself but we still were not having sex.

In the late spring, my husband said he had to talk to me. He very gently but firmly told me that if we were going to continue not to have sex, he wanted to open our marriage. At first, my response was that if I could not answer this basic need, how could I deny him? We had a very deep and honest conversation. We suddenly seemed to see each other again and to our great surprise and delight, we ended up in bed and had a very loving time together.

Since then our relationship has improved dramatically. Our marriage is now open and we share our truths with each other in ways that we have not for many years. We are having sex again yet recognize that, although we love each other deeply, one person cannot provide all that another may need and we have gifted each other the freedom to fill in those gaps.

I have reconnected with an old lover which has reminded me that I am still desireable and sexy which in turn my husband benefits from. He enjoys connecting with new women which firms his own attractiveness. We both feel better and are happier.

Oh, and BTW, sex does not hurt anymore. There really is something to the old adage, "use it or lose it".