First off, anybody who felt attacked or hurt by my post, I did not by any means intend this. I was aware that some people might take it poorly, but at no time did I ever intend to hurt anyone, and so if you were hurt by it, I'm sorry.

Secondly, I am a human, an autistic one at that. I make mistakes, and a great many times in my life, I have expected something I said to land a certain way and then been caught off guard by the response to it. This is just sort of the nature of my existence. I get better at it as a I age, and certainly, I've gotten better at responding to the criticism of this community over time, but I remain human and fallible. Regardless, I do put a tremendous amount of effort into learning, improving, and "being better" and so I ask that the people who have supported that continue to do so, as without them, I wouldn't be. I was raised in a community where it was taught that LGBT people were abominations, and now here I stand where I'm at. I've only gotten here because of people who have taken the time to educate me and help me grow. Every time I make a mis-step and people correct me and help me, I grow, so please don't stop doing that, as I am going to remain a fallible human.

Now, after all the discussion, I have learned an enormous amount from all the people who took the time to contribute. I've read literally hundreds of perspectives, and they range tremendously. The community is heavily divided on this issue. There is not one "right" perspective, though everyone that holds one probably is convinced much like religion, that theirs is the right one. Regardless, all the opinions sort of exist somewhere between these examples:

One extreme:

​

NO, she did NOT go through a male puberty. She is NOT MALE, which means any puberty she goes through is NOT A MALE PUBERTY. Idk how you can get such basic things wrong and claim to be an advocate for trans people. You're clearly horrible at it. Everyone here can see through your gaslighting and tell that you're just another transphobic cis dude asshole.

​

The other:

​

It's a common feature with scissor issues about trans people that the extreme pro- side tries to make it zero-sum. Acknowledging that cis women can be victimized and need rights supported too? Not allowed. This is not just respectability politics. The woke brigade is sabotaging us.

I don’t think you will get a good faith discussion here about this. Going through a testosterone based puberty gives you permanent musculoskeletal advantages that no cis woman by definition can ever have. Period. There’s nothing else that needs to be discussed really. It’s not fair for trans women who didn’t prevent their natal puberty to compete professionally in sports or he considered for records/awards. We can deny basic reason and ignore this, but it doesn’t change the facts. One day we’ll have a society that allows all trans people to safely prevent their natal puberty and this won’t be an issue. Until then, the trans community needs to look inward and overcome their ego and absolutism.

​

After literally all of this, I've come to a few conclusions.

1. I'm a doctor who does HRT, and I should probably just stick to that.
2. Saying literally anything on any topic related to something that the transgender community is divided on only results in further division and me being viewed as an aggressor, at least to some people. Ultimately, if my goal is to further transgender care, being a less polarizing figure is probably in my best interest, so I should just shut my mouth about it.
3. Despite caring for trans people and hearing their stories, I think I was still somewhat oblivious to the level of hatred and transphobia that exists beneath the surface in many people. I hear examples all the time of the outright malevolent things done to my patients, but seeing people from my hometown whom I otherwise considered "good people" speak about them in the way that I did after that photo was in the news was utterly horrifying. My reaction to this was "must protecc" trans people from bad optics, but ultimately, I'm a cis, and its not my job to decide what the right course of action is for trans people or to speak for them. I should speak about them, I should continue to try and educate non-trans people about their lives and struggles, but I don't need to be rallying the troops. You can all do that on your own.
4. The community is deeply deeply divided on a great many issues. I got an enormous amount of PMs stating that they agreed with me, but were afraid to post a public comment out of fear of being banned from some of the only communities in which they feel welcomed online. This is seriously messed up. The very idea that people are hiding in these communities feeling unwilling to speak their minds and engage in conversation without fear of receiving a ban and losing one of their only support spaces is horrifying. This is a deeply disturbing problem in the community, and while I have only recently agreed to do #3 "I'm not going to speak for you", I strongly do advise that leaders in the community strive to implement some change there, as that really really is not good for the community, much less the mental health of these people.

In regards to Lia.

​

1. It had to take tremendous courage to do what she did. Seeing the backlash, she had to know this was going to happen on a scale far greater than was already happening to her prior to this, yet she persisted, and I can't deny I admire someone who will literally take a stand for what they believe in despite receiving a public lambasting for having done so. This is literally who I am at my core, I don't bend the knee, and she didn't either, and that's deserving of respect even if you don't agree with her choice (and many of you don't). Its tough to be an iconoclast. But progress is made through them and she has effectively shown many many transgender teens that they can follow in her footsteps.
2. A tremendous amount of commentary was put forward about cis athletes, female human bodies and their tremendous range and hormonal variation, and the like. While this is all relevant and interesting, I think the core determinant of "is it fair for her to compete" can't really be solved by studying Hgb levels or maximum inspiratory volume or her skeletal variations. The question is really, "if Lia had been able to transition at 12 years old, would she still have been a national champion?". In that case, she would have grown up with the body that matched her gender, and there would be no question as to whether or not it was fair for her to compete with that body. If she still was a national champion, I'd say it was fair. If she wasn't, I'd say it was not. But being as there literally is no way to determine that as we can't turn back time and see how that parallel universe played out, there isn't much point in debating it, as ultimately, we cannot know for sure.
3. If things get better for transgender people in this country, this wont be a question in the future that really needs to be answered, as nobody will be forced to go through a puberty that doesn't match their gender. Being as that's what I do for a job, I should probably focus on that and let the rest be handled by other people.

I'm going to go back to working on my HRT, exploring my 6p21 thing, developing ever longer lasting pellets, and playing horizon zero dawn forbidden west.

I cannot promise that I will never run afoul of the community again at some point in the future. I tend to speak my mind, which as a personality trait, is why I've had the courage to do what I've done with my HRT over the years. I can't really lose that trait and continue to strive against the mainstream way of doing things.

At the same time, every time I do, I am grateful for the people who don't just say "u are scum" and who take time to help me understand why they feel the way they do, and educate me about it. I do not have your lived experiences. I'm a cisgender guy who grew up in a conservative town and I'm at times painfully autistic. Please help me grow and learn so I can be a better ally rather than trying to "cancel" me. Seeing how some members of the community react to literally any person who is imperfect in their allyship leads me to believe that before long, there will be no uncancelled allies left.

Regardless, this is my last post on this topic. I'm going to leave this one open, though my intent here is let this rest, ruminate on what I've learned from the topic and try and be a better ally from that experience.