After more than four years of allowing myself to be treated like a doormat in order to keep the peace in my home, I'm done.

Last weekend my wife and I had an argument following an episode where I was actively parenting my son after he broke one of his toys (trying to use it as a teaching moment so that he isn't so rough with things). My wife undermined me in front of my son, encouraging him to dismiss what I had to say. I tried to be reasonable, highlighting the disrespect that it shows to undermine the other parent. She dismissed me. I wanted an apology, for her to acknowledge what she had done in that it is not okay to do that in our marriage. I stuck to my guns about it too. She responded by waiting until I went to work on Monday morning, at which point she absconded with our children to her family several hours away. She won't take my calls, and won't give me access to communicate with my children.

She weaponized the kids and said I could see them when she returns, and that she will only return when she feels "emotionally safe" (aka when I stop trying to hold her to account). I consulted my sister, who works in law enforcement, and it became clear that the only way I was going to be able to be guaranteed to see my children is if there is a court ordered custody arrangement.

My kids are my entire world. Today, I retained an attorney who will file for divorce on my behalf on Monday. I don't want to divorce, and it hurts so very badly. But I know that if I continue to capitulate to my disrespectful, insightless wife, then I would be modeling an unhealthy way to be a man for my boys.